hummingwolf | Open Letter to the Deeper Recesses of My Brain.

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Open Letter to the Deeper Recesses of My Brain.

I thought we were getting along well for a while there. Sure, there was that whole insomnia thing (and I apologize for my part in that, though you must admit we've been picking out some interesting library books lately); but that aside, our relationship seemed to be going fairly smoothly. There you were, doing your inscrutable stuff beneath the surface, while I was out here walking around and looking at the pretty clouds and trying to figure out what to do about Social Security and the like, not worrying about the deeper things which are your province. The superficial level was superficial, the deeper levels were deep, and the layers weren't mixing up horribly as they so often have in the past. Sure, I wondered sometimes what you were thinking while I was watching the football camp out on the field, but I figured you'd let me know if there was anything important to worry about.

See, I thought you were busy working on our life problems, that that's why you've been so quiet. So I felt it was best to let you do your work undisturbed, you know? I'd gather information that might be helpful to us and I'd absorb it so it'd be accessible to us both, and then you could do your thing and I could do mine and maybe we'd find a way to function together. But now you're sending me messages again and, frankly, I'm deeply disappointed in you. All you're doing is telling me the same things you've been saying all year! Come on, did you really think I didn't know what you think of this life we're leading? How useless, pathetic, and wasted it is? Puh-leeze. You've made your views abundantly clear, so don't you think it's time to move on? Maybe do something useful for a change? No, I don't mean that I don't deserve to live if I'm not busy doing something society considers "useful"; I mean that you, down there with access to all our deepest unconscious wisdom, should be helping us to find a way to live. This constant griping isn't getting either of us anywhere at all.

Listen, I'm sitting here eating a tasty, nutritious breakfast full of protein and vitamins and gods know what else, which should be adequate fuel for body and mind to do what they need to do. I'm going to pay what bills we have money for, make some phone calls (maybe get hold of a human being or two if we're lucky), read a bit and generally do my job on the outside. It's time for you to do your job too. If you're so unsatisfied with the life we're living, come up with a good way out that we can implement together.

And stop your miserable whining already. You're really annoying me.

Sincerely, Me.

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Good message, very good.
I think your subconscious is not the one telling you you're useless, pathetic, etc, though. Those messages usually come from another part, a lot more conscious and a lot less helpful, which blocks out anything your subconscious has to tell you.
Your last sentence and the paragraph before actually sound more like the voice of your subconscious breaking through.
It is time to move on.
Sometimes life problems aren't the ones we think they are.
And the interesting titles from the library can contain a whole wealth of suggestions as to new directions.
love and blessed be
xxxx

Well, I think the subconscious consists of quite a few different parts; at least it seems that one part is moving me one direction while another prods me to go an entirely different way.

Thanks for the comment!

walking with you;
love and blessed be
xxxx

i think zena's already said a lot of important stuff. i'll just tack on my own goodwill and good wishes and a big ol' hug. (((cb)))

::hugs back::

i could have written the same letter to God today. except for a couple things,which is what i'm saying and i'm doing the whining. i feel like God has greatly disappointed me and has very little power to help me and i feel powerless alone. i ask for help...God helps all those folks in a.a....right? actually,it's probably the folks in a.a. who help each other and i dont' have such a support group. i'm feeling cynical. you seem to have a much better attitude. i admire that. i think you're on the right track.

ah,i probably shouldn't have written that. you hardly near to hear more whining. sorry.

anyway,i really do think you're on the right track!

I don't know that I'm on the right track--I'm not sure I'm actually going anywhere yet! But thanks for the comments, both of them. You have my permission to whine in my journal whenever you need to. :-)

You tell it HW.

Un

Heh. Thanks, Un.

*applauds*

You tell ... ummm ... yourself... ?

Me, Myself, and I have this longstanding habit of arguing with each other, you see...

Oh, we understand, we under... erm, I mean I understand!

good for you! don't let it suck you under! ride the wave!

*HUGS*

I knew I should have learned how to swim.

oh *pshaw* i can't swim either *pffft*

(*psst* it's a MET-A-PHOR! yup! *nodnod*)

:P

and WOOT i mailed your package!!! should get there by mon. or tues.! yayyy!!

:)

Package, you say? Whee! I've been wondering when I'd get my Easter candy. :-)

Seriously, thank you! It's an honor being your totem.

If I'm the totem, what are you? The totee? This is all so confusing...

hehe - Happy Easter! er, in July!!

;)

totee?? hmm... does that mean someone carries me around and stores their knitting in me? hmm.. i hope those needles are retractable...

A lot of yoga is about getting the brain to PIPE DOWN SO I CAN THINK, darnit.

Sounds good to me.

Too bad there don't seem to be ways for me to find a yoga instructor to ~~torment~~ learn from.

Come on, did you really think I didn't know what you think of this life we're leading? How useless, pathetic, and wasted it is? Puh-leeze.

The life of anyone who has the ability to be a good friend to others can not, in any way, be considered useless, pathetic or wasted.

Thanks, Zoop. I do feel more than a little useless, though. Any role I have in anybody's life can be easily replaced...
but thank you.

Thanks, Zoop. I do feel more than a little useless, though. Any role I have in anybody's life can be easily replaced...
but thank you.

You silly. No one could be as weird yet as lovable as CB.

listen to this zoop!! zoop is wise!!!

as for this: "Any role I have in anybody's life can be easily replaced..."

WTF cb?! *blows whistle* nu-uh. not lettin you have that self-pity crap. callin ya on this one.

how the HECK are YOU, unique as everyone of us, REPLACABLE?!!!!

now, i can see the POV of the person who commented in my post about toll collectors being replacable by a coffee can with a slit in the top... but YOU?!!

cb, i've been there, thru different circumstances, but i've been in that place where you feel useless b/c you aren't contributing to society the way you always held in your future mind. based on such internal programming, of course you would conclude that you are useless. problem is, the program is false!! your value is not based on what you contribute to "society".

ok, not to be mean to people here, but i can't see you having less value than someone who works the register at mc'donalds, can barely speak english, and can't find the picture of the burger on the register.

i can think of LOTS more examples if you pick this one apart and insist on holding on to the idea that you have no value.

did you see my recent post about redefining my ambitions?

cb, your depression is valid, but i can't bear to hear that you truly belive you have no value. how can you discount the love of so many people? just b/c we meet in the virtual world doesn't mean the connections we have are taken lightly.

*hugs* dear one.

In a way, CB's friend just called me wise.

In another way, I barely speak english and answer a phone for money right now.

I'm not sure if I'm loving this comment or not;)

::giggle::

I don't believe I have no value. I just don't see a point to my continued existence, that's all.

oh,i think not.

here's a good place to type up a quote i scribbled on a piece of paper the other day:

there is a vitality,a life-force,an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action,and because there is only one of you in all of time,this expression is unique. and if you block it,it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.
-martha graham

and this does not only apply to ballet dancers! there are many different kinds of vitality and many different kinds of 'action'.

and here's howard jones:
don't you realize/you are a speciality/there is no one like you

i know i have a crowded friends list,but i read people's journals because i like them and what they have to say.

so,pffffftttt...
(but i mean that in the nicest possible way)

; )

I do feel more than a little useless, though. Any role I have in anybody's life can be easily replaced...

A 'by the numbers' approach is good for several things, but it's ill-suited to help figure out things dealing with people and emotions. Ultimately, we can never really know what we mean to other people. I hold a few people very close to my heart, but it's not clear if they understand that. Also, I have a couple of friends that don't see me very often, but they know that, whatever they need, I'm there to help with. That peace of mind goes a long way for them, despite the fact that I haven't done anything for them anytime recently.

The same might be happening with you. It's not so much about what you do, but rather, who you are. People key to that in many ways, and even though someone else might be 'doing more' for people, they might be a less-desirable person to be around. For your part, you're supportive, patient, and kind (at the very least -- I haven't hung around you enough to know more), and those are three attributes I don't see in a lot of people these days.

Thank you.

What makes any person valuable? Please look at others and think about that question. Is a homeless panhandler less valuable than a corporate executive? What about the nasty neighbor? Is a nicer person more valuable than them?

What is a "useless" person? Do we have to have jobs to be useful? Do we have to serve others in some way? What about those of us who live alone, and live only for comfort or self gratification? What about the people who suffer in solitude, the elderly and handicapped who have no family ties or friends? Are those people useless?

Please look around at all the people you meet, and think about their value, their usefulness in this world. Think about the worth of a human life-- any life.

Then look back at yourself, and know that you are equal to all others in creation. You are equal to everyone else. Simply give yourself the chance to Know that, deep in your soul.

Thank you.

*huggles and snuggles* As you know, I know exactly how you feel because I've been through it.
Too bad, because I really didn't learn what to say to other people when they feel this way, I only know that sometimes there is nothing to say that will make it better.
Like you wrote in that closed entry - sometimes we just feel like we've had it with life and everything.
I feel completely useless sometimes and there is nothing my friends can do about it. It's selfish but it's also true. If I'm in that mood, I don't care if my friends will feel pain when I'm dead.

But...I feel better now and my solution to my problem partly, is getting a dog - my new family. *smiles*
SOmeone to snuggle with and someone who I can take care of for the rest of my life.

*hugs*

Thanks for the snuggles!

Hello.
I've found your journal through the randomity that is the internet. And I've just started reading, so obviously I don't know you very well. But I've got to say. You do have a place in the world. Everyone who's commented here thinks so. And even if you're "easily replaceable" in anyone's life, you have a special brand of humor. If nothing else, you are there for the sole purpose of being you. Hell with what Society says. I myself suspect that Society is just a bunch of freaky white-bearded men in a smoke filled room. And that's all I have to say right now. But I'm going to be reading some more. You haven't heard the last of me!

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Open Letter to the Deeper Recesses of My Brain.

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