(no subject)

And you suddenly realize why that mixture of butter, sugar, flavoring and such is given the names "icing" and "frosting" when looking out the window you could almost swear that the thick, wet snow was spread on with a kitchen knife.

Poem of the Moment

Looking for fish to feed to MegaHAL since it's the Pisces time of year, I swam across this one.

Rupert Brooke - Heaven

Fish (fly-replete, in depth of June,
Dawdling away their wat'ry noon)
Ponder deep wisdom, dark or clear,
Each secret fishy hope or fear.
Fish say, they have their Stream and Pond;
But is there anything Beyond?
This life cannot be All, they swear,
For how unpleasant, if it were!
One may not doubt that, somehow, Good
Shall come of Water and of Mud;
And, sure, the reverent eye must see
A Purpose in Liquidity.
We darkly know, by Faith we cry,
The future is not Wholly Dry.
Mud unto mud!—Death eddies near—
Not here the appointed End, not here!
But somewhere, beyond Space and Time,
Is wetter water, slimier slime!
And there (they trust) there swimmeth One
Who swam ere rivers were begun,
Immense, of fishy form and mind,
Squamous, omnipotent, and kind;
And under that Almighty Fin,
The littlest fish may enter in.
Oh! never fly conceals a hook,
Fish say, in the Eternal Brook,
But more than mundane weeds are there,
And mud, celestially fair;
Fat caterpillars drift around,
And Paradisal grubs are found;
Unfading moths, immortal flies,
And the worm that never dies.
And in that heaven of all their wish,
There shall be no more land, say fish.

(no subject)

My imaginary twin was named Lauryn. I first met her one day in school, as I sat in the classroom feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could be somebody else. She appeared to me in a glittering golden mist, standing tall and happy, strong and beautiful, graceful and popular. Lauryn looked at me with a mixture of pity and something less socially-correct, making it plain that I was a waste of good DNA and she was happy we had been separated at birth.

Lauryn followed me through school, though my friends never met her. She was always in the background of my life, though, always cool, athletic, extraverted, exuberant. She was calm in the face of danger. She never cried.

I decided one day that Lauryn must die, but she vanished from my world before I had become proficient with my imaginary weapons. I have tried not to wonder what she is doing now.

Recently I was reading about another person's imaginary twin, one who had the same first name I do. That imaginary twin was intelligent, socially-skilled enough to do well in school but quiet enough to fade into the woodwork, unnoticed except on rare occasions when she wanted to be seen. Though I don't know many details, there were other details, and that imaginary twin sounded a lot like the high-school version of me.

One of my pet peeves is people acting as if others existed only to fulfill their needs. Each individual has a right to their own existence, a right to be what they need to be whether that fits into your life or not. No sentient creature was created for the sole purpose of being used by you.

But what if? What if the imaginary twin who appeared one day in response to your desires and self-pity--what if they woke up with a life of their own? What if they were everything you thought them, with all the gifts you gave them--but felt themselves lacking in those qualities you didn't think you'd need? The person whose imaginary twin existed to do well in school never needed that twin to be healthy, to get a job, to buy groceries, to pay the rent. The imaginary girl was good at what she did, but who knows how many things she would never be able to do? And one day her creator sent her away and closed the door, neither wanting nor needing her twin in her life anymore.

And here I am.


I hope that somewhere, somehow, Lauryn has found a way to be happy.