hummingwolf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hummingwolf) wrote2005-03-01 11:41 am
hummingwolf) wrote2005-03-01 11:41 am
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My imaginary twin was named Lauryn. I first met her one day in school, as I sat in the classroom feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could be somebody else. She appeared to me in a glittering golden mist, standing tall and happy, strong and beautiful, graceful and popular. Lauryn looked at me with a mixture of pity and something less socially-correct, making it plain that I was a waste of good DNA and she was happy we had been separated at birth.
Lauryn followed me through school, though my friends never met her. She was always in the background of my life, though, always cool, athletic, extraverted, exuberant. She was calm in the face of danger. She never cried.
I decided one day that Lauryn must die, but she vanished from my world before I had become proficient with my imaginary weapons. I have tried not to wonder what she is doing now.
Recently I was reading about another person's imaginary twin, one who had the same first name I do. That imaginary twin was intelligent, socially-skilled enough to do well in school but quiet enough to fade into the woodwork, unnoticed except on rare occasions when she wanted to be seen. Though I don't know many details, there were other details, and that imaginary twin sounded a lot like the high-school version of me.
One of my pet peeves is people acting as if others existed only to fulfill their needs. Each individual has a right to their own existence, a right to be what they need to be whether that fits into your life or not. No sentient creature was created for the sole purpose of being used by you.
But what if? What if the imaginary twin who appeared one day in response to your desires and self-pity--what if they woke up with a life of their own? What if they were everything you thought them, with all the gifts you gave them--but felt themselves lacking in those qualities you didn't think you'd need? The person whose imaginary twin existed to do well in school never needed that twin to be healthy, to get a job, to buy groceries, to pay the rent. The imaginary girl was good at what she did, but who knows how many things she would never be able to do? And one day her creator sent her away and closed the door, neither wanting nor needing her twin in her life anymore.
And here I am.
I hope that somewhere, somehow, Lauryn has found a way to be happy.
Lauryn followed me through school, though my friends never met her. She was always in the background of my life, though, always cool, athletic, extraverted, exuberant. She was calm in the face of danger. She never cried.
I decided one day that Lauryn must die, but she vanished from my world before I had become proficient with my imaginary weapons. I have tried not to wonder what she is doing now.
Recently I was reading about another person's imaginary twin, one who had the same first name I do. That imaginary twin was intelligent, socially-skilled enough to do well in school but quiet enough to fade into the woodwork, unnoticed except on rare occasions when she wanted to be seen. Though I don't know many details, there were other details, and that imaginary twin sounded a lot like the high-school version of me.
One of my pet peeves is people acting as if others existed only to fulfill their needs. Each individual has a right to their own existence, a right to be what they need to be whether that fits into your life or not. No sentient creature was created for the sole purpose of being used by you.
But what if? What if the imaginary twin who appeared one day in response to your desires and self-pity--what if they woke up with a life of their own? What if they were everything you thought them, with all the gifts you gave them--but felt themselves lacking in those qualities you didn't think you'd need? The person whose imaginary twin existed to do well in school never needed that twin to be healthy, to get a job, to buy groceries, to pay the rent. The imaginary girl was good at what she did, but who knows how many things she would never be able to do? And one day her creator sent her away and closed the door, neither wanting nor needing her twin in her life anymore.
And here I am.
I hope that somewhere, somehow, Lauryn has found a way to be happy.
no subject
My twin was a guy named Magnus. But I had the foresight to create his entire life story before I let him go. I made sure he got some good breaks and lived a relatively happy life. Some might have said Magnus was my imaginary lover, but he and I never had that kind of relationship. He married Catherine, had two kids, grew old, Catherine died, and then when he was 80 I gave him the thing he'd always wanted. He used to have a secret crush on Ella, another member of the gang I invented around him. But Ella was, shall we say, out of his league. Well, she finally confessed to Magnus that she'd had a secret crush on him too. But then they died and nothing ever came of it. Or, more accurately, they will die. Someday.
Could you check in on Lauryn if you tried? Only if you really want to, of course.
no subject
Doesn't seem to be possible, at least not at the moment. My view of her was always rather 2-D; from another angle, I might not be able to recognize her at all.