Gahhhh.

There are a bunch of very simple things I need to get done, yet whenever I think about starting to do one of them, my heart speeds up and my mind tries to find a black hole to hide in. I feel like such a coward right now.

After the things I've been through, making a phone call to a doctor, secretary, caseworker, or whatever, or reading e-mails from select people (no-one reading this; believe me, I read all of you when you write), should not be that difficult to do. I know I've lived through worse than this--so why does it seem so hard to live through this?

Aside from a few bright spots (Gatlinburg!), 2003 really has not been a fun year for me.

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Made a phone call. Yay! Managed to speak almost-coherently, even. I'm not sure I'll be good for anything else today, though, since sheer blinding panic was only delayed rather than evaded. Gahhhhh.

Here's hoping I manage to make at least one more phone call today. Ow, a bad headache just hit as I was typing.

Why isn't curling up in a fetal position and whimpering for a few hours considered a good way to deal with anxiety, anyway?

Four phone calls!

Okay, two of the calls were to the same person because she was busy the first time. Still, managed to work around the panic problem enough to make four phone calls today!

It would've been good if I'd managed to make one more call before the end of the business day, but that's not happening since I'm about to collapse now. Here's hoping that I can do at least this well on Monday. Well, I'd prefer to do better on Monday because, as phobias go, phone fear seems pretty silly even to me.