(no subject)

[hummingwolf]

Oh, this is worse than useless. I can't convince myself to do anything today, which means that not only am I self-annoyed (a normal enough occurrence), I am actively endangering my chances of survival. Or passively endangering my chances of survival, if you want to get technical about it.

Alternating between apathy and sheer, blind terror. Neither state is conducive to much of anything. This sucks. I have deadlines. It looks like they will not be met. What happens after that? Can I make myself care by then?

Comments

[sophy.livejournal.com]

*sending good thoughts your way*

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

gosh, and with bad weather (maybe) on the way! i hope you can do a lot of this business by phone. would encouraging phone calls help?

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I still have no idea what to do or who to ask. And I wouldn't know how to get a form signed over the phone. :-/

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oh yeah, that's true. i'm sorry, this is really awful for you. :(

terminal procrastination

[icdedpeople.livejournal.com]

perhaps you could make some lists...
a list of things you could do to (possibly) change your situation for the better
a list of your reasons for not doing anything (what you gain, no matter how petty or trivial, by procrastinating -- and not talking about the bad things you "gain") -- why might you want things to reach critical mass
a list of the possible outcomes of doing nothing

this might be best done if you write as quickly as possible when you first wake up, ranting and (preferably) whining emotionally -- a lot of good insights could come out of that when/if done repeatedly. i'm serious about that. you might have to do some free-associative mining to get some answers. write privately to yourself abou how you think you might feel after taking the various possible actions...

then again, you could always just wait and see what happens. :-/ i'm prone to those kinds of evasions, having ADD, but then any neurotransmitter problem (which i'm guessing is the case here) lends itself to serious motivation problems. is there a hotline for general depression/anxiety troubles? you might be able to find some advocacy for you there...

whatever happens, i hope it works out.

(the previous comment had some leftover thought that i thought better of while i was editing)

Re: terminal procrastination

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

While I do appear to be developing all the symptoms of major depression for the first time in my life, chemical imbalance probably isn't the problem. The fact that my life SUCKS and I don't know what to do about it is kinda the problem.

Ahem. Sorry. Life's been trying to teach me learned helplessness lately. I'm a slow learner, but sometimes things sink in.

All I can think of to do to help me figure out who can sign these forms is call some local phone numbers a friend gave me of other people with fibromyalgia. They've survived, so maybe they can help me figure out how to survive. But too big a part of me is just plain tired of having to work so hard for so little--like I said, for three years (or so) my big goal was getting a job, and now finding out that I can't and that all my work was (apparently) for nothing has hit me rather hard.

I don't want to do nothing. I also don't want to do anything. I'm just plain worn out.

Re: terminal procrastination

[icdedpeople.livejournal.com]

My dad's been going through similar shit with a different illness. :( ...He's turned to internet business ventures lately, since the state has been snailmail slow at finding anything for him and the debilitation was a big rejection factor in the interviews he did get. :( I honestly don't know if the ventures will pan out. *sigh*

*hug* http://www.fibrohugs.com/