(no subject)

I seem to be bogged down in that kind of depression where you feel nothing and can't be bothered to do anything rather than the kind where you wander around weeping and wailing. As soon as I can get some of my energy back, I expect to be sobbing uncontrollably for a bit. I don't mind the waterworks stage so much if it will go on to the active, not-so-depressed stage where I can actually find the will to do what I need to do. Numbness provides a welcome respite from intensity of (negative) feeling, but it's really no good for long-term survival. Smiling mindlessly (emptily) at people around me doesn't help me get along with them so much when I'm not paying the bills. And I know there are places where I could get free or at least very cheap clothing if I could scrouge up the energy to make some phone calls. So here's hoping I get to the weeping & wailing stage soon. Hey, I seem to be sniffling--good show! Wait, that was only the ragweed pollen... aaachoo!

Doctor's appointment tomorrow. Social Services Thursday. Some things need to be mailed to the lawyer soon. Today should include trips to the bank and grocery store, perhaps walking one way and taking the bus home so I don't wear myself out further. Throat still hurts; not sure if that's because I'm still sick from whatever I had last week, or if it's the pollen in the air. Need to make at least one phone call to family and figure out who in the house owes what for the last few electric bills. Want to read some fluffy book instead.

Last year one of the grocery store clerks told me he always loved to see me in the store because I was always smiling, never cranky, always ready to share a smile with someone else. That really hasn't been true in far too long.