Hummingwolf Today

For a while now, I've been wondering why I've felt disinclined to write anything here. My mood's been good, my energy's been up, and while my life hasn't been terribly exciting, neither has it been as boring as at other times when posts were frequent. So I sat and thought and realized: I'm waiting.

Word of the Day: The Spanish verb "esperar" means both "to wait" and "to hope."

Waiting to find out if the latest dose of the latest medication will actually do what all previous treatments have failed to do: Enable me to get out and live something resembling the thing I think of when thinking about "a life." Waiting to find out what kind of person I am when all the symptoms go away. Hoping that person is someone I'd like.

Book Quote of the Day: From one of the books I was reading last week:

<Why are you doing this?> she asked warily.

<I'm interested in you. Not like Cohen is. In a more theoretical way. I want to see what you turn into.>

<Right now I'm afraid I'm turning into a bad person.>

He appeared to pause and consider this. The pause was faked, of course; designed to make the exchange feel natural at organic processing speeds. But it was the thought that counted. <You're falling into the identity myth. That's the problem with nonfunctional nomenclature. Names encourage people to harbor the illusion that there's identity beyond interface. That you can be good or bad apart from the effect of your actions on the world.>

<Good intentions have to count for something,> Li protested.

<Good intentions are just a fairy tale humans tell themselves so they can sleep at night.>

<But some actions have unpredictable effects.>

<What do you expect? Life is an intervention in a complex adaptive system.>

<So you're saying you can't know whether you're a good or bad person?>

<Not once you exceed the CAS's Lyapunov time. At that point you have to wait until you can take a final measurement of the end state of the entire universe.> A note of impatience slipped into his affective sets. <What do you want from me, a physics lesson?>

--Chris Moriarty, Spin Control

Today's Purchases: Package of almonds, two bottles of magnesium, lamb, cabbage, potato, and an onion.

Last Meal Eaten: Lamb, cabbage, potato, and onion all fried up together, followed by a glass of grape juice.

Now Wearing: Glasses that keep threatening to fall apart; cartoon T-shirt (featuring Tigger, Pooh, and Eeyore) spattered with oil from the meal mentioned above; jeans other people would consider a good fit (meaning I think they're too tight); white socks; orange, silver, and white running shoes; and boring underwear.

Miles Walked So Far: More than tuna half, but heart. And if you understood the preceding sentence fragment, you might want to look into decluttering your brain. Will probably walk more around sunset if energy levels allow.

Song of the Day: "Oxygen" (Nik Kershaw), for some reason. I've got versions on CD by both Petula Clark & Richard Page, so those are on repeat now. Have never quite understood why this is Nik's most-covered non-hit song, though, even if it is taking over my brain today.