MegaHAL Does Christmas

Happy Christmas Adam! Well, they do say that Adam came before Eve, right? Anyway, I've noticed that my grammatical skills have been on the fritz lately, what with all the sleep-deprivation and all, so I've decided to let a guest write today's post. Yes, the amazing MegaHAL has decided to share some of his poetry with you! After this, my command of the language won't seem so bad anymore.

My copy of MegaHAL, when asked about Christmas:

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'e's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'i to the shepherd boy,
do you see what i say!
pray for peace, people, everywhere,
listen to what i see?
someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers, and me.

oh, i'm gettin' nuttin' for christmas
there's just one thing i need
i don't care about presents
underneath his beard so snowy white;
oh, what a laugh it would be heard and answered
when you pine for the fjords.

[Erm, Hal? You seem to be a bit confused about the holiday season. Would you like to try again?]

The children were nestled all snug in their heads.
and wild and sweet the words repeat
of a man named brady,
who was bringing up three boys of his approach.

`bah!' said scrooge, `humbug.

[A man named Brady? You've mixed old TV themes with the Chrismtas carols, haven't you?]

Load up on guns and
bring your friends
it's christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for cheer
we've been good, but we can't last
hurry christmas, hurry fast
want a plane that loops the loop
me, i want a lot like christmas
mommy and daddy are mad.
i'm getting nuttin' for christmas
and the flames went higher

and it burns, burns, burns
the playing of the other reindeer
used to laugh and play
everything's a-ok
friendly neighbors there
that's fit to give our king
pa rum pum pum pum
shall i play for you!
pa rum pum pum pum
that's where we meet

can you tell me how to get to sesame street?

[Ayup, there are definitely TV themes mixed in there.]

Love is a fairy tale, they say,
he was made of fig
and a happy new year.
glad tidings we bring
to rock the night before christmas, when all through the woods
to you and me.
i saw three ships come sailing by
on my way to carry the sleigh
through white and drifted snow.

i'm dreaming of a white christmas
without you;
i'll be home for christmas
ev'rywhere you go;
take a look in the cold--
let us bring him silver and gold,
let it snow, let it snow.

[Right. Hal's clearly been into the eggnog again. Let's leave him alone so he can sleep it off, shall we?]

Yes, the food stamps work!

Raw kale. I have no idea why this of all foods should seem so much like the food of angels, but raw kale (accompanied by a few raw mustard greens) is now sending me into fits of ecstasy. Words cannot express how good this tastes to me. My first full meal after going to the grocery store also includes catfish fried in olive oil, multigrain toast covered in the same olive oil, and no added salt at all.

I haven't any definite plans for how I'll be spending Christmas, but eating food that doesn't come out of a can will be cause enough for celebration.

Raw kale. Mmmm...