Bits. Pieces. Stuff.

Was quiet most of the week because four friends I've known since high school got feisty and decided to have a conversation online that ended up covering all those topics you're not supposed to talk about in polite conversation. With about 500 e-mails from them earlier this week, I wasn't really up to saying much elsewhere.

Evil nasty migraines the last couple of days. I am not pleased. I am also not doing very well at being coherent, but I'm workin' on it.

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I was thinking today, before I settled down for an afternoon nap, that my dreams recently have been painfully boring, much too much like my real life only more so: answering e-mails but not fun e-mails like the ones I've been getting from my friends; going grocery shopping but not enjoying the walk to the grocery store (looking at the trees and irises, inhaling the scents of mud and frying potatoes, hearing birds and little kids playing, feeling warm sunshine or cool rain on my skin) as I really would; that sort of thing. It's depressing when even your dreams are dull.

Then in the hypnagogic state I saw people being killed in a variety of interesting and bloody ways, and I thought, "Well, at least this is different." The dream itself revolved around a sort of role-playing game--in between turns, you were in a room by yourself and typed into a computer your choices for where you wanted to be in the next round; during the actual turn, you were in a holodeck interacting with other characters and real people, with most of the action being part of a futuristic war scenario. I thought one of the characters was played by hai_kah_uhk. Most of the dream had me fighting in different parts of a city or spaceship, though at the end I was in somebody's bedroom trying to comfort him after a loss (this last bit was still PG-rated, by the way).

In the hypnopompic state after the dream, I tried to recall the words "hypnagogic" and "hypnopompic," but my brain refused to comply and gave me "geomorphic" and "zootropic" instead. Zootropic? If "heliotropic" is the word used for plants moving to face the sun, a "zootrope" would be something that moves toward animals, wouldn't it?

~~~~~

While reading a collection of C.S. Lewis' letters, the words "a dungeon is never harder to bear than when the door is open and the sunshine and bird song float in" struck me as a decent description of why my suicidal thoughts returned last month while amongst lovely people in the mountains. I'm better nowadays, though. Maybe it's because there's been less sunshine.

~~~~~

The hummingwolf is lonely and wants snuggles. The hummingwolf isn't going to get any snuggles any time soon, but she wants them anyway.