(no subject)

So I decided sometime a while back that rationality wasn't getting me anywhere and I should behave like a crazy person to see if that helped any. What happened instead? I began to have irrational thoughts but, aside from a few quirks like refusing to answer the telephone, my behavior has still been altogether too sensible. This is not the direction I wanted to go in! Sheesh, I'm supposed to be acting oddly and eccentrically and unpredictably, while instead I continue to be very careful not to make any major mistakes. Yes, many of the things I have wanted to do surely would have been big mistakes. So what? If I'm honestly having trouble thinking of a mental state that would be more unpleasant than the one I've been in for much of the last few months, continuing to be "sensible" makes no sense at all.

Unfortunately, old habits die hard.