(no subject)

Lately I find myself constantly thinking how to act, how I'm supposed to act. I must concentrate on acting like I am happy when I am happy, on acting like I'm in pain when I'm in pain, on acting like I'm afraid the landlord will kick me out when I'm afraid the landlord will kick me out. No reaction can be my instinctive reaction; my innate behavior is not good enough. I don't act enough like me. I don't know how.

How do I act like the person I am? What would she do in the situation I'm in? Well, why don't I ask her? Oh, she can't answer me clearly, she's just confused. Better ask someone else.

All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players. But I haven't learned my lines yet! And I'm certain this isn't the part I tried out for. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, while I stand in the wings trying to figure out my motivation for this scene.

Quote for the night

"What if every moment of our lives is an expression of our commitments? When your car breaks down by the side of the road, you don't just get out, abandon it, and walk away. You are committed to keeping your car. The fact that you wear a wristwatch is another sure sign that you are a creature of commitment. You could teach your dog to read the hands of a clock, but it wouldn't mean anything to him, because dogs are not creatures of commitment. When the car breaks down on the way to the veterinarian, your dog does not worry that he will be late, as you do. As far as he is concerned, all that has happened is the parade of wonderful smells has slowed down.

"The problem is not that we suffer from a shortage of commitment, but that what we are committed to does not live up to our dreams. How can you tell what you are committed to? Just look at your life as it is now. That's exactly what you are committed to. If you are committed to something different than the way it is now, you will be in action making those dreams come true, or you will be engaged in a fierce struggle to change it for the better. You do not get any points for thinking about it. I know this may seem like very bad news, but actually it is the best news you could have. If you want to get somewhere else, you first have to know where you are now."

--Nicholas Lore