hummingwolf | (no subject)

Current Mood: jealous
Current Music: Toni Childs, "The Dead Are Dancing"

(no subject)

I'm jealous of you all, every single one of you. Yes, I'm even jealous of you in your struggles, difficult as they are for some of you now, because they sound like the struggles of living people rather than this half-life I'm going through. Of course this last bit is insane--I know I couldn't take the sort of thing certain of my friends are going through. But I didn't claim to be sane this morning, did I?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey! Who are you calling living?!?

want to come drumming with me?

Heehee. Dandelion's alive! Dandelion's aliiiiiiive!

Ahem. Yes, I would like to go drumming with you. Unfortunately, my transporter's in the shop at the moment and nobody's willing to lend me theirs after that last incident in the Bay of Biscay.

Damn, that sort of thing keeps happening to me, too.

You know something, I envy you that lots of wonderful friends thing. But if I had lots of wonderful friends, I'd keep them for all of two minutes, and then the most I'd get of the experience was that i could say, "On that date, at that time, I had lots of wonderful friends." So I may as well let you have them. I'll have plants. I can make plants last a lot longer.

You know what else drives me crazy... it seems like the only way i can get any attention is to draw and create beautiful things. Now that I'm in a dry spell, it's really hitting home. Without my artistic and literary talents, I don't even make a blip on the radar screen of life. well, screw it. I guess i'll sit here not creating and not blipping and not being noticed.

About the friends: I honestly don't know how they got here. It's an exaggeration to say that I didn't have friends as a kid and everybody was out to get me--the fact that I've got friends now who knew me when I was in elementary school is proof of that. But the fact that there are so many people who care for me (many compared to what I'd expected when I was younger) really adds to the whole sense of unreality. I don't know why these folks have stuck around for more than two minutes, I really don't.

I bet there are plenty of other ways you can get attention, you know. They're just not things you particularly want to do, like standing naked in the middle of downtown Bayonne spray-painting all the passing cars in assorted neon hues. Or would that count as using your artistic talents too?

I think it would. Seems like everything I do is somewhere along those lines. And, sure, expressing myself (or exposing myself, which is really the same thing) can get me some attention, but I really just want to be acknowledged just for being me... not for doing something that somehow represents me.

Wow, i don't know anyone from elementary school days. I have one friend from college, but she and i are growing apart rapidly. I think i might have a friend or two from high school, but they may have forgotten me by now. it's been so long since i talked to them. And now that i'm going to move soon, i'm sure the friend casualty rate will go up again.

I was going to say "skyrocket" but losing 3 or 4 out of 5 friends isn't a skyrocket.

zoop hugs CB out of principle

/me hugs back.

Of course you're one of the people who remind me I'm insane for being jealous of everybody. But hey, I already admitted my insanity, right?

/me snuggles Zoopie and gives her cookies.

Hey, if you ever find a way to get acknowledged for being rather than doing, could you let me know what it is? Am not really able to imagine such a thing myself.

Doesn't make you insane. When you think about it, part of what is the hardest thing for me right now (low energy level/ excessive tiredness) is also what you have to go through every day. I mean hopefully it's just temporary for me and in a couple of months I can go back to normal. Either that or, you know, I'm dead so it's going to be ending no matter what. That's pretty much the certainty that it's all temporary which makes me go through it even though, let's be honest, I'm feeling like shit. And you don't have that luck so no, it doesn't make you insane.

Zoop would love you even if you were insane anyway.

/me snuggles

I dunno, I thought it was like when someone calls you or IMs you for no better reason than they like talking to you and want to do so every now and then.

*huggles*

I recognise this feeling SO well! Both the not-living one and the jealousy. :(

Some are jealous of my life. What life?! The existence of wasting time in front of my computer doing NOTHING worth remembering?

Hrmph.

I know exactly how you feel.

*hugs*

Maybe some people are so stressed out by their own activities that they think anyone like us is on extended vacation or something. Silly people.

::hugs::

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only