(no subject)

[hummingwolf]

I'm jealous of you all, every single one of you. Yes, I'm even jealous of you in your struggles, difficult as they are for some of you now, because they sound like the struggles of living people rather than this half-life I'm going through. Of course this last bit is insane--I know I couldn't take the sort of thing certain of my friends are going through. But I didn't claim to be sane this morning, did I?

Comments

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

About the friends: I honestly don't know how they got here. It's an exaggeration to say that I didn't have friends as a kid and everybody was out to get me--the fact that I've got friends now who knew me when I was in elementary school is proof of that. But the fact that there are so many people who care for me (many compared to what I'd expected when I was younger) really adds to the whole sense of unreality. I don't know why these folks have stuck around for more than two minutes, I really don't.

I bet there are plenty of other ways you can get attention, you know. They're just not things you particularly want to do, like standing naked in the middle of downtown Bayonne spray-painting all the passing cars in assorted neon hues. Or would that count as using your artistic talents too?

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

I think it would. Seems like everything I do is somewhere along those lines. And, sure, expressing myself (or exposing myself, which is really the same thing) can get me some attention, but I really just want to be acknowledged just for being me... not for doing something that somehow represents me.

Wow, i don't know anyone from elementary school days. I have one friend from college, but she and i are growing apart rapidly. I think i might have a friend or two from high school, but they may have forgotten me by now. it's been so long since i talked to them. And now that i'm going to move soon, i'm sure the friend casualty rate will go up again.

I was going to say "skyrocket" but losing 3 or 4 out of 5 friends isn't a skyrocket.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Hey, if you ever find a way to get acknowledged for being rather than doing, could you let me know what it is? Am not really able to imagine such a thing myself.

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I thought it was like when someone calls you or IMs you for no better reason than they like talking to you and want to do so every now and then.