(no subject)

[hummingwolf]

Lately I find myself constantly thinking how to act, how I'm supposed to act. I must concentrate on acting like I am happy when I am happy, on acting like I'm in pain when I'm in pain, on acting like I'm afraid the landlord will kick me out when I'm afraid the landlord will kick me out. No reaction can be my instinctive reaction; my innate behavior is not good enough. I don't act enough like me. I don't know how.

How do I act like the person I am? What would she do in the situation I'm in? Well, why don't I ask her? Oh, she can't answer me clearly, she's just confused. Better ask someone else.

All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players. But I haven't learned my lines yet! And I'm certain this isn't the part I tried out for. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, while I stand in the wings trying to figure out my motivation for this scene.

Comments

[skygypsy.livejournal.com]

trying to manage other peoples' perceptions of oneself, especially people who have control over something so important as your physical survival and welfare, really IS tiring, and very stressful, and only adds to your health problems. i actually once up and quit my job rather than deal again with going on medical leave, b/c it used to piss me off that i had to constantly prove my illness to people who were fucking clueless about the nature of my illness and used to dealing w/dishonest people trying to rip off The System. (as it turned out tho, my boss offered me personal leave. that was surprising and i was deeply DEEPLY grateful. especially since i was able to maintain health insurance)

but enough about me.
*grin*

*sigh*
dunno, hun, hang in there, i am trying to help you manifest your much-deserved disability monetary support!!!! wish i had my cushy job so i could send you some green stuff. :(

i know you're exhausted and brain fuzzy, but try to help educate the people who are evaluating you for disability. i can't imagine your sincerity and honor not coming through.

*HUGS*