this is my dead self, and it is ringing off the water

[hummingwolf]

Last week I walked an average of three miles each day until Saturday, at which point I collapsed in a heap and stayed there through Sunday. For the last few days, I've been swimming in the inbetween space between consciousness and the dreamworld, falling more deeply into dreams almost on the instant that I close my eyes. Earlier today my language output was something that wasn't just screwed-up English, but something not resembling any known language at all. My ears are ringing hollowly. My chest, my back, arms and legs all hurt deeply.

I suspect my body's trying to tell me something.

Anyway, I did accomplish a few things today, doing a load of laundry and (more impressively) putting it all away; going to the library to return books, mourn what had been done to one of those books (the librarian shook her head sadly and said that the word "damaged" didn't do justice to what had been done there), and check out more books; and going to the grocery store where the checkout clerk took a red pen and carefully circled the food stamp balance so I would know there is still more than $500 left to spend.

If anyone's been wondering, most of my food stamps the last week have been spent on fresh fruits & veggies, other sensible things like whole-grain bread and all-natural peanut butter, and half-price soups from the discount bin. Today I had a little more fun and bought lamb, garlic naan, and baba ghanouj. Mark my words: one day I'll want to make my own baba ghanouj, and then you'll be sorry.

Sometime soonish I'm going to go collapse in bed again. I really think my body's trying to tell me something.

Comments

[megthelegend.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie, how painful!

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I have garlic naan and baba ghanouj, so it isn't all bad. :-)

[hasufin.livejournal.com]

How would you feel if this weekend I wanted to take you up on the offer to buy food for the shelter? I'm not 100% sure how time will work out, but I'm sure we can figure out something.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Yes, please!

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

It absolutely amazes me and inspires me -- the amount of walking you do and how you keep yourself active even when it hurts. But I like that you know when to rest, too. And I'm so glad you're able to get fresh foods right now. You've done a whole hell of a lot of going without.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to get fresh foods too! As much as I love making cheap burritos, there's only so much I can stand before the need for variety kicks in.

As for walking--well, if I don't get some movement in, I become a very cranky hummingwolf after a while. Very cranky. The problem is remembering that while I need to go out and do things, I also need not to overdo them.

[paradigm-palace.livejournal.com]

You're doing better than I am with the walking. At least you're trying. My emotions are locking my body down. I've had intentions to go walk around the indoor track because it helps every aspect of my health (including mood, back pain, insomnia, anxiety) but I've not for nearly two weeks. My mood affects my energy level and my ability to motivate myself soooooo much. And when I'm upset I have a hard time eating anything, which just compounds the energy dilemma. I'm glad you have good food. It will help.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

And then there are days like today where the only time I leave the house is to take out the little trash bags from the bathroom & my room. I am so zoned out today it's not even a little bit funny. (Didn't help that when I did go outside, freezing rain had frozen on the steps down to the back yard. Ack!)

My mood affects my energy level and my ability to motivate myself soooooo much.

Yep. It's that body/mind thing. I hope your days improve soon, Lori.