Something about the shopping experience must have seemed like a metaphor to my subconscious brain, because soon I was hit by waves of panic and anger about all the things lacking in my life, all the health problems and money problems and lost chances and and and. Fortunately it was twilight by then, so most people in the parking lot didn't see my face. One woman walking by did look at me warily as if I might be dangerous. I walked under shadows of trees after that.

Sobbing as I walked up the street. Sobbing more quietly as I came into the house.

Wow. I went through a very similar thought process yesterday. You describe it very well, I suspect better than I have ben able to so far. I can't decide if it's a healthy way for me to accept the reality of my situation with chronic illness and process my grief or if it's better for me to distract myself as much as possible. I suspect a bit of both are necessary and that balancing the two is somewhat of an art form that I haven't quite mastered as yet.

I could use a distraction tonight - I'll check out that link now...