hummingwolf | (no subject)

One of the things to remember is that your strengths can weaken you. It's hard to remember this, of course. We may appreciate paradox in a theoretical context, but practical paradox does not sit well with us.

People cope. Resilient creatures that the hnau of this planet are, we find ways to adapt to situations we never imagined we would need to face. We convince ourselves that everything is okay (and I sit here typing this listening to my Launchcast station which just followed the Carpenters "Where Do I Go from Here?" with Kina's "Have a Cry"), things may be tough but we can deal with these little obstacles, we put one foot in front of the other even if we're not sure of the direction. ("Have a Cry" is followed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra doing a bit of Holst's Planets: "Venus, The Bringer of Peace.") Yeah, peace sounds good. Maybe if we adapt well enough, we find it. People cope.

I have this bad habit of resting just enough to be able to impersonate a healthy person for a while. Folks all around the neighborhood are impressed by how much walking I do; I get "Hey, power walker!" comments on a semi-regular basis. I have to walk where I need to go because I cannot drive. I have to spend hours in bed any day I need to walk. I can deal with hours sitting around at social services by sitting with my head below my knees to keep from passing out. I can deal with A by doing B and deal with C by doing D and deal all the way through the alphabet and impress people with my adaptability. (Jah Wobble's Invaders of the Heart, "Raga" from Take Me to God.) Resilience is a strength. I've adapted so well that it looks as if this lung infection never will go away unless some crisis forces me to rest. (Talking about my beleaguered lungs and now listening to a live version of the Police's "Every Breath You Take.")

What happens if I stop adapting? What is life like for those who refuse to cope? What happens if I have that crisis I've just managed to avoid? If I finally give in to my weakness, will I find a new strength?

("Images in Stone," eh?)

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Being brave and keeping going and battling through and not giving in don't seem to register with people though. Hobbling on a cane, using a wheelchair, jumping queues, crying, complaining, fainting, *that* gets noticed. And I hate it. Hate the way if I take the trouble to get dressed nicely and look presentable and speak clearly and be myself and fight things (which I do most every day if I need to be out and about) I'm assumed to be just fine, but if I walk slowly and get confused and look pale and unkempt and pathetic (um, which is no trouble at all most days!), the people who are supposed to help me actually take notice a bit.

There's a fine line you can walk though, between not giving in, and recognising where you need help and where you can say "look, i can't do this, help". And if by giving in a little and getting people to take things seriously or at least do stuff that's takes moments for them, but hours of effort for me, I can keep my strengths and energies for stuff that matters, then fine, let 'em.

People see what they want to see; they don't want to see illness or problems or disability, they want healthy happy people floating through life without a care in the world. Shaking that worldview is sometimes worth doing. Um, and listening to yuour body and resting when it needs rest desperately isn't giving in, its cherishing yourself, all those touchy-feely new age things about loving your body are actually quite good advice, though I promise you don't need to wear a tie-dye kaftan *all* the time :>

Thanks for commenting, I'm too tired to respond intelligently now but wanted to thank you anyway. :-)

No worries, no reply required (er, unless its to say "shut up" :> ) *hugs*

I really loved the entry, by the way. Well said.

What happens if I stop adapting? What is life like for those who refuse to cope? What happens if I have that crisis I've just managed to avoid? If I finally give in to my weakness, will I find a new strength?

I think people who refuse to cope might get more superficial support in a way. They let illness wins so it shows more. The problem is that superficial support comes not from love or pride, but from pity and quite honestly, those thriving on pity have way bigger issues than people fighting their asses off to adapt.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Am too tired to say much, really, so I'll just translate your comment 'cos I want amusement. :-)

I really loved tha entry, by tha way. Well said.

Wizzle happens if I stop adapt'n? Whizzat is life like fo' those who refuse ta cope? Whizzat happens if I have T-H-to-tha-izzat crisis I've jizzust managed ta avoid? If I finally give in ta mah weakness, will I find a new strength?

I thizzay thugz who refuse ta cope mizzay git mizzy superfizzle support in a way. They let illness wins so it shows more. The problem is T-H-to-tha-izzat superfizzles support comes not fizzy love or pride, but friznom pity n quite honestly, those clockin' on pity have way bigga issues tizzy thugz rhymin' they asses off ta adapt cuz its a pimp thang.