hummingwolf | (no subject)

Had a phone conversation with someone I don't always get along with. Good convo overall, only minimally annoying for both of us. I did realize something interesting, though. The other person was telling me about a recent business transaction which went much better for them than they'd expected. Thing was that as they talked about it, they focused more and more on what was advantageous for the other person and sounded frustrated that the other person had also gotten a lot out of the deal. Apparently their first impulse is to think that, no matter how well things work out for them, it's not a good business deal unless the other person's been put at a disadvantage. They sounded happy again when I reminded them of the good things they'd gained, so it's not as if they need to feel that they're the only person who gains something in an exchange. But still, their first reaction was apparently that if the other person hasn't clearly lost something, then they must have been cheated.

So now I'm wondering if I'd get along better with the person if I complained more. After all, if they're happier thinking that the person they're dealing with is at a disadvantage, maybe they'd be less cranky if I reminded them of all the bad things in my life... Nah, I can't focus on the badness all the time without going crazy, even if it does cheer up the other person. But at least I can try to remind them more often of what they've gained in the hopes that the shift in focus will keep them from sliding into full-fledged grouch mode.

Threaded | Flat

Still, if you ever feel like complaining to someone, you've got this person who'd love to hear it! Dude, most people would KILL for that opportunity! Cool! ;-)

Yes, I like that plan better. Painting yourself as a miserable person to cheer them up is a huge sacrifice on your part, and will only feed their insecure attitude in an unhealthy and unhelpful way.

I hope this person gains some maturity and self-respect soon. But that's their responsibility. You shouldn't have to play self-defense games with them in the meantime.