hummingwolf (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hummingwolf) wrote2003-12-11 11:22 am
hummingwolf) wrote2003-12-11 11:22 am
Grr.
If you have a problem with me or with something I have said or done, please tell me. With words. You know what the silent treatment tells me? Absolutely nothing. It gives me a complete and utter lack of useful information. If you do not tell me what is wrong, chances are I will remain clueless until someone else makes reference to your current attitude towards me. If you're not silent but merely treating me differently, then I may have some idea that something's wrong but will continue to have no idea what message I'm supposed to be getting.
Yes, if somebody wants to tell me something, they actually have to tell me something. I'm inconvenient that way.
And I'd appreciate it if people would read into my silences the same lack of anything that I will most likely read into their silences (unless they're one of those people who've proven that they try to communicate with silence, in which case I sometimes get paranoid and assume that their silence means something deep and sinister. Hey, didn't say I was always consistent). There's at least one (non-LJ) person in my life who often assumes that my occasional lack of communication is an attempt to manipulate them in some way. The fact that they have a habit of sending copious e-mails to an address I cannot currently read has nothing to do with anything, apparently. The fact that they habitually call up my answering machine and leave no message to let me know they're trying to reach me somehow proves that I'm avoiding them. I would love to be able to babysit this person and reassure them that I still wuv them, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have the spare time and energy required to put forth such a massive effort.
My silence does not mean consent. My silence does not mean dissent. My silence is just as likely to mean that I've got a migraine or that I got three hours of sleep last night or that I'm tired from fighting bureaucracy all day. The fact of the matter is that if you don't hear from me, my silence probably has nothing to do with you.
A couple of days ago, an anonymous housemate with very pretty handwriting left a note for another housemate which began with the words "Dear Moron." I don't know what else the note said, but I found it quite amusing. Sure, that form of communication is unnecessarily rude, yet at least it is communication and does the job of communicating.
There are times when you won't want to confront somebody and will avoid them instead. That behavior is understandable and frequently healthy. However, if you think your uncommunicativeness is really communicating something, perhaps you need to think again.
Yes, if somebody wants to tell me something, they actually have to tell me something. I'm inconvenient that way.
And I'd appreciate it if people would read into my silences the same lack of anything that I will most likely read into their silences (unless they're one of those people who've proven that they try to communicate with silence, in which case I sometimes get paranoid and assume that their silence means something deep and sinister. Hey, didn't say I was always consistent). There's at least one (non-LJ) person in my life who often assumes that my occasional lack of communication is an attempt to manipulate them in some way. The fact that they have a habit of sending copious e-mails to an address I cannot currently read has nothing to do with anything, apparently. The fact that they habitually call up my answering machine and leave no message to let me know they're trying to reach me somehow proves that I'm avoiding them. I would love to be able to babysit this person and reassure them that I still wuv them, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have the spare time and energy required to put forth such a massive effort.
My silence does not mean consent. My silence does not mean dissent. My silence is just as likely to mean that I've got a migraine or that I got three hours of sleep last night or that I'm tired from fighting bureaucracy all day. The fact of the matter is that if you don't hear from me, my silence probably has nothing to do with you.
A couple of days ago, an anonymous housemate with very pretty handwriting left a note for another housemate which began with the words "Dear Moron." I don't know what else the note said, but I found it quite amusing. Sure, that form of communication is unnecessarily rude, yet at least it is communication and does the job of communicating.
There are times when you won't want to confront somebody and will avoid them instead. That behavior is understandable and frequently healthy. However, if you think your uncommunicativeness is really communicating something, perhaps you need to think again.
no subject
I am often blamed for using silence-as-a-weapon, just because I am pretty much a silent person.
If I am EXTREMELY upset...i.e. something is THAT important to me to argue with/about..I will let them know. Most times though, while I get my dander up about something, it isn't enough for me to caw about...therefor...I am honkey dory with the situation. I may not agree wth something, but it isn't THAT much of a pressing deal.
Takes a lot to push me...and sometimes I may be more quiet than usual when something is bothering me, trying to hold my tongue to avoid further conflict, but I *am* one for voicing when I am upset at something, if it is important enough. Even then I try not to scream and shout, but use logic and words...I think that infuriates some though, when my words come gushing out..LOL!
But using silence as a grudgery thing...naw. It is basically pointless, in my view.
Hope whatever it is going on works out.... :)
no subject
It can be funny sometimes when somebody assumes that, even though they know I haven't been answering anybody's e-mail that's been sent to a certain address, the fact that I haven't answered their e-mail (which I haven't even seen) is some attempt at punishing them. The first time I got accused of that one, my response was a sincere and heartfelt "HUH?" I just don't get the logic.
There are plenty of times when I'll be quiet about something because I'm trying to hold my tongue, trying not to say something now that I'll regret later. I understand when other people do that and I think it's a good thing. But I'm not under the illusion that my silence is actually saying something, you know?
And I wasn't writing about one specific situation. It's just been a buildup of a few things lately where I've learned that people thought they were sending me important messages, either through silence or through subtly changed behavior, when I just wasn't aware that they were saying anything at all.
no subject
(I wish someone would try to communicate with me, because I'm awfully lonely, but if they do I'll probably regret it. Go me.)
no subject
::hands Dandelion some nice chocolate::
no subject
*whine*
no subject
What kind of chocolate would you like? Mint M&Ms are available now.
no subject
Fine. I'll just deal with it by smiling a lot when I see emails from you.
Hey, that works!
no subject
no subject
But I don't have to be happy about it.
Wait, I do have to be happy about it.
Yay!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I think you're really groovy, and very wise, and you generally make me laugh when you're on a rant. :)
no subject
no subject
Amen, sister.
no subject
no subject
no subject
This most likely has nothing to do with me, but I am guilty of doing this elsewhere in my life. I guess it really was kind of stupid to purposely ignore someone because they forgot about me. *hangs head in shame* At least now I can go and do better. Thanks.
no subject