hummingwolf | (no subject)

For the newish folks: Have you by some chance clicked on the second link on my userinfo only to find that it went to a "This page has been moved" page? And have you been dying to know the answer to the question "How does the hummingwolf view its role in the grand scheme of things?" No? Oh well, you're getting the answer anyway. Because the essay's URL has changed a few times in recent memory, I'll copy the essay and place it here behind this convenient lj-cut.

Talents, Gifts, and Faith

All of my life, I thought of myself as the guy with the ten talents. After all, didn't everyone tell me I was blessed with many talents? Even in school, I was placed in the program for the Talented and Gifted. With all my gifts and all my talents, my opportunities seemed boundless, my choices unlimited, my whole life a glittering road before me. I would use those talents wisely and well, and in the end I would say, "Lord, here are the talents you gave me--and look! I made ten talents more! Aren't they pretty?"

So I tried building something beautiful on all the best foundations the world had to offer--and all the best foundations crumbled. My health and boundless energy? Gone. My artistic ability? Stunted. The brain that served me so well? Requires medication to do even a fraction of what used to come so easily. Money? What money? Family? Well, it's not easy getting along with those who have convinced themselves you have chosen to hide your treasure in a napkin and bury it underground when all the best people are using their treasure to make payments on their luxury cars. Friends? Oh, my friends are wonderful--but so far away, and the cares of this life are so near.

Finally, after all my years of laboring, it hits me that I may not be the guy with the ten talents after all. Maybe I am the widow with two small coins and the only choice I have is whether or not to give two small coins back to God.

I do not like this thought. It does not fit my self-image. It does not do wonders for my self-esteem. I do not like it at all.

I can't be the widow with the two little lepta. Things must get better soon. I will be talented and admirable again. After all, it wouldn't be fair of God to give me so much when I was young only to take it all away forever. (Surely a widow thought the same when she learned that her husband had died.) I remember so well all the possibilities, all the things I could do and would continue to do if only I had the chance. (A woman wakes in the night remembering how it felt to be enfolded in her husband's arms, and for a moment she can almost believe that his absence was just a dream.) I'm sure I can see something shining in the corner, something I lost but might find again. If I can find my treasure, I'll hold a party and invite all the neighbors. It simply must be more than two small coins.

Maybe it would help if I knew what happened to the widow after she left the temple. What was her next meal like? Did she benefit from the charity of strangers? Did she eat like a dog of the scraps that fell from the children's table? Where did she sleep? Did she have a hole like a fox or a nest like a bird? Did she have anywhere at all to lay her head? Could she toil? Did she spin? Was she clothed like the lilies of the field?

Does it matter? We are not called to figure out our roles in the grand scheme of things. We are called to love God and to serve Him. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it--even if all the world around you tells you that your efforts are worthless and that you are worthless if you don't do something else.

I still want to be the guy with the ten talents.

Interesting to me that when the site runner split his site into two domains, that essay ended up on the fitness site. After all, it wasn't a crisis of health that prompted me some anonymous author to write all that.

Now for those who like my new animated kaleidoscope icon: you might want to check out my favorite computer-generated kaleidoscope ever. Or you might not, if you've got a slow connection like mine and don't have time to wait for a Rilly Big GIF to load. Your choice.

[Note to self: Insert snappy closing here. Do not post this without some nifty closing line or you'll look silly.]

[Nother note to self: Oh, please. Don't forget that a hummingwolf always looks silly. It's like a law or something.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh, i don't think there's anything niftier than a kaleidoscope! no closing needed. :)

Ah, I'm glad of that. Maybe I have to make more kaleidoscopes to ensure that there's always something nifty to close with!

like the icon, love the snappy parenthetical placeholder.

Heh. Glad you like it!

::bow::

i love kaleidoscopes. that is so gorgeous. thanks for sharing!

You're welcome! I only owned one real, non-virtual kaleidoscope in my life (a liquid one that eventually leaked all over my bed), but I've loved to make computer-generated ones ever since I figured out how. Somehow that combination of randomness and perfect symmetry has a magic all its own.

(deleted comment)

Hmmm... that might depend on how much the talent is worth these days, what with inflation & all.

Interesting, your thoughts on how you fit in the talents parable. What bugs me about that one is, that it never says what happened to the guy who received 2.75 talents, worked his butt off to get a return on 'em, but lost his shirt (and the talents) in the market. Cuz, that's kinda where I fit in.

Anyway... hugggles for you, CB.

::huggles back::