hummingwolf: squiggly symbol floating over rippling water (three)
hummingwolf ([personal profile] hummingwolf) wrote2003-06-01 12:35 pm
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I have the feeling I'm not supposed to be comfortable right now. This annoys me. Isn't it time for me to be able to relax, to rest for a while? How much endurance do I have to have? How much patience do I have to use up? But no, it's not even an external pressure: inside, as much as I want to relax, to cocoon, to curl up and ignore the world, I also feel the need to stir things up, to change, to whirl around in some new motion I swear to you I don't have the energy for.

Cocooning, making a place for myself away from the world, is often a necessity or at least a very good idea. But not today. Why not today? I don't know, but not today.

I want to not think any new thoughts. I want to not experience any new experiences. I want to curl up with a book I've read before and see nothing new in it. I want to listen to old favorite songs and pay no attention to the lyrics, ignore the music trying to pull me into a different world. Books are dangerous. Music is dangerous. People are dangerous. Listening to soccer players in the field nearby might make me feel or think something uncomfortable. Looking at a flower might take me places I don't want to go.

If I were a person who liked to drink beer and watch television, that's what I'd be doing now. "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream..." but I don't want to go downstream. I don't want to go anywhere. Why can't I stay in place for a little while? Just for today? I know things in my life need to change--I want things to change, desperately--but not now, thank you.

I want to eat lots of chocolate chip cookies and go to sleep and not dream. But that isn't going to happen.

Maybe it's the weather. Windy days always did make me restless.

[identity profile] gurdonark.livejournal.com 2003-06-01 09:55 am (UTC)(link)
Change! So difficult. But the one good thing is that the mood to change and change are not the same thing. Sometimes you can change a lot, even when you're not at all in the mood.

ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 07:10 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I just wish it could be a good but easy change for once. But that pretty much never seems to happen. Ah well, maybe I'll be in the mood soon and can work constructively with change rather than kicking and screaming (and crying) like I am now.

[identity profile] hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com 2003-06-01 10:01 am (UTC)(link)
Oh. Geez. I'm really sorry.

If you want to take a break from Saga, that's cool with me. All that's happening right now is that both Zephyr and Reg are overcoming uncomfortable damaged parts of themselves and dragging the audience along with them and all sorts of other things that you expressly want to avoid exposing yourself to. So. It'll still be here when your mood changes again... and...

I don't actually have anything helpful to say. Just wanted to let you know I'm aware of being unhelpful and don't mind in the least if you want to get uninvolved for a while. You've given me so much valuable stuff in the past however long, and I feel like I owe you for all that. But there's not much else I can give you.
ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
No need to apologize! Saga isn't a problem any more than anything else is, really. I need to find something I can do that keeps real thoughts at bay, I think. My mind and emotions are both overactive right now and I don't have the strength to deal with things for the moment.

[identity profile] conscience.livejournal.com 2003-06-01 11:27 am (UTC)(link)
ARGH! I know what you feel.
Restless, listless, yet all ya wanna do is let the day pass by slowly and without interferance (I didnt spell that right did i?)

Ive been in the same mood. I WANT to do things...yet it seems so comfy not.

Face it. Its sunday, the christian day of rest. Im painting dolls, and if you were arund, would probably put you at work too, just to have you share in the quiet nothingness of it.

Its a good day to rest. Grab that book, turn on some soft tunes and relax. Its OK. I swear :)
ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
I miss having something I can do that helps with the not-thinking. Before my hand-eye coordination went wonky, I used to do calligraphy. I'd practice for at least an hour a day, listening to music and thinking about nothing but making beautiful letters. It'd be nice to have something like that again. I've been thinking too much already this week and it's only Monday.

[identity profile] unwilly.livejournal.com 2003-06-01 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Ever forward in the river of life!

/un slips on a moss rock and gets dunked

ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 07:03 am (UTC)(link)
/me hands Un a towel.

You may be a hoopy frood who always knows where his towel is, but it looks like you could use another one.

Re:

[identity profile] unwilly.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 10:56 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks.

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster for afters?

Un

[identity profile] wig.livejournal.com 2003-06-01 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Have you ever considered getting into Hard Drugs, in a big way?
ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 07:02 am (UTC)(link)
No I haven't. But if I could afford them, I'd be tempted to right now even though I suspect they'd mess up my digestive system (everything else does).

[identity profile] skygypsy.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 08:12 am (UTC)(link)
I have the feeling I'm not supposed to be comfortable right now

*heh*

how'd you pull that out of my head??!
;)

if it helps at all, you're not the only one. many of us are being pushed this year.

tiring.

/sits down w/you in protest and hands you a nice light paperback
*snuggle*
:)
ext_3407: squiggly symbol floating over water (Default)

[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 08:24 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I didn't pull it out of your head at all. I'd be scared to touch your brains--might get Mad Pixie disease or something. ;-)

If life, the universe, and/or everything are gonna push us, they should provide enough energy for the journey, you know. If I had enough energy, I'd suggest we form a picket line, hold up signs protesting unfair treatment and all that.

/me snuggles Pixie and sits down to read the nice light paperback.

[identity profile] skygypsy.livejournal.com 2003-06-02 01:19 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'd be scared to touch your brains--might get Mad Pixie disease or something."

heyy! i resent-er-resemble that remark!

:P

hehehe

/me pictures hummingwolf flying about and wondering why pixie dust is coming out of her ear

*grin*

If life, the universe, and/or everything are gonna push us, they should provide enough energy for the journey, you know

nodnod.
agreed.

unless of course, the lesson is experiencing with no energy??
*ducks*


/me snuggles Pixie and sits down to read the nice light paperback.

yayy! cozy snuggled light reading time!!! wheeee!! :)