Inescapable Questions
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 03:30 pmRe: King Arthur and the Chocolate Factory
What would Arthur do with a chocolate factory? He often seems so terribly earnest, you have to wonder if he would indeed follow Merlin's instructions and allow everything to remain wacky and fun (and a bit creepy), or if he'd feel compelled to make the chocolate nutritious or something. Would Arthur's new chocolates all be antioxidant-rich dark chocolates with flax seeds and açai berries, fortified with fifteen essential vitamins and minerals? I mean, I'm the sort of person who will try the supposedly healthier versions of candies, but I'm also the sort of person who will try Cherry Cordial M&Ms. Arthur's innovations may not turn out to be top sellers.
How would new knights be called to the Round Table? Will golden tickets magically end up in candy bars going to the right children? It's obviously worked before, but it may not work so well once Merlin has left the kingdom.
Would Mike Teavee be a good fighter? Being quick on the draw with the remote control and playing all those video games should have improved his reflexes dramatically. But can Arthur keep Teavee's violence in check, or will Teavee always be a thorn in his side? How many times can you safely shrink and re-stretch a kid, anyway?
Will any Oompa Loompas become knights of the Table? Or will they rebel against Arthur and all that he stands for? "Oh, sure, little Pendragon, you claim that Merlin gave you this place and that you have the rightful rule over us, but how can we know for sure? Last we saw of Merlin, he was with you in the glass elevator that went busting through the roof. You came back alone, and all we heard from you about Merlin is that he supposedly had to go away for an extended series of dental appointments. And by the way, pulling a chocolate sword out of a marzipan rock does not prove you are King of all the Britons, no matter what that girl in the chocolate lake says!"
Will jousting competitions take place in the edible garden? 'Cos that would be cool. Jousting with giant candy canes!
When will Arthur learn that Joseph of Arimathea is not really his grandfather?
What would Arthur do with a chocolate factory? He often seems so terribly earnest, you have to wonder if he would indeed follow Merlin's instructions and allow everything to remain wacky and fun (and a bit creepy), or if he'd feel compelled to make the chocolate nutritious or something. Would Arthur's new chocolates all be antioxidant-rich dark chocolates with flax seeds and açai berries, fortified with fifteen essential vitamins and minerals? I mean, I'm the sort of person who will try the supposedly healthier versions of candies, but I'm also the sort of person who will try Cherry Cordial M&Ms. Arthur's innovations may not turn out to be top sellers.
How would new knights be called to the Round Table? Will golden tickets magically end up in candy bars going to the right children? It's obviously worked before, but it may not work so well once Merlin has left the kingdom.
Would Mike Teavee be a good fighter? Being quick on the draw with the remote control and playing all those video games should have improved his reflexes dramatically. But can Arthur keep Teavee's violence in check, or will Teavee always be a thorn in his side? How many times can you safely shrink and re-stretch a kid, anyway?
Will any Oompa Loompas become knights of the Table? Or will they rebel against Arthur and all that he stands for? "Oh, sure, little Pendragon, you claim that Merlin gave you this place and that you have the rightful rule over us, but how can we know for sure? Last we saw of Merlin, he was with you in the glass elevator that went busting through the roof. You came back alone, and all we heard from you about Merlin is that he supposedly had to go away for an extended series of dental appointments. And by the way, pulling a chocolate sword out of a marzipan rock does not prove you are King of all the Britons, no matter what that girl in the chocolate lake says!"
Will jousting competitions take place in the edible garden? 'Cos that would be cool. Jousting with giant candy canes!
When will Arthur learn that Joseph of Arimathea is not really his grandfather?
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