(no subject)

So last week I asked a question: "If you dressed up as yourself today, how different would that be from the costume you're wearing now?"

I got so many nifty answers it's 'bout time I answered that myself, isn't it?

As a general rule, I'm dressed up as A Practical Woman. I'm wearing some solid-colored T-shirt or sweater, jeans, sneakers, white socks, and white underwear, with hair pulled back if the weather is hot or the wind is blowing. Nothing particularly interesting or eye-catching.

It's not that I'm not a practical person inside. Dressing up as me, myself, going for a walk would certainly involve jeans and sports shoes. But I always used to love wearing clothes in eye-catching patterns, or accessorized with scarves, some nifty necklace, or something silly like ribbons that used to be attached to a gift box. One of these days I would dearly love to have a long, swirly skirt and a good reason to wear it.

(no subject)

Y'know, I keep living my life in the constant expectation that things will end. As I type, I'm wondering when the power will shut off. Not that there's any particular reason for the power to shut off today, mind you, but the lines are old, wind might blow down tree branches, and you never know what the day will bring.

Along with the power, I'm expecting my hearing to fade, my vision to darken, and, of course, people all around me to die. This stuff isn't particularly close to the surface of my mind, most days, but today I'm realizing that it's never entirely gone either. No wonder I keep my muscles so tense all the time.

(no subject)

So when I begin the day dazed and headachy, then realize I've got death and other endings on the brain, what do I do? Why, I go back and re-read posts I made at the start of the Great Depression of 2003! Oh well. [Note: Actually, this is proving more helpful than expected. I read the stuff I wrote back then and remember one key fact: I survived.]

Even when I was starting to be really miserable, though, I said some smart things sometimes. From January 13, 2003:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
--John 15:13, King James version.

A thought earlier: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man give his friends what they need even though it conflict with what he deeply desire to give.

Which probably comes to the same thing in the end.



(P.S.--subjunctive mood sounds weird. Am sure I got it wrong too.)

Okay, maybe I wasn't so smart about the subjunctive. Earlier that month, there was:

When you've got some substance, when you've got some sort of a solid core, (almost) no matter how slight, you can draw to yourself knowledge, experiences, people, and they all enrich you. With awareness, you can build on that foundation with every breath you take. You can give generously of yourself because you are able to live with abundance.

When you're not solid enough, you're like a whirlpool, drawing things to yourself in an effort to fill the void, but getting them only to lose them again, sunk to the bottom of a sea you can't fathom.

Or at least that's the way I get.