(no subject)

I'm having one of those days where I alternate between a firm belief that I must do thirty-eight things as soon as possible and an equally firm (yet clearly not stable) belief that anything I do is useless, utterly useless, and I may as well give up on it all right now. Firm, yet somehow unstable beliefs are such annoying little oxymorons. (In high school I once defined "oxymoron" as "someone who still doesn't know that Stridex fights pimples best," but that's neither here nor there.) It's almost as if my mind is bouncing back and forth between two universes: one where the state of the entire cosmos depends upon my efforts, and a second where I am powerless over even my own life. Neither of these universes seems to be intimately connected with the world my body's living in, so I'm trying to act as if what I do has just enough of an effect for calm, unrushed action to be worthwhile. Easier said than done. (Silly brain.)

Right then. I've got plans to do two things later today and I've decided I'll be happy if I manage to do both. gurdonark's mention of 801 in a post got me wondering if 801's music were available on Launchcast. It's not, but there's a fan station which plays old stuff by folks like Brian Eno and Peter Gabriel. Fits my mood reasonably well, so I think I'll listen until it's time to do something else.

Two Things

I've got plans to do two things later today and I've decided I'll be happy if I manage to do both.

Thing One: Go to the lawyer's office to sign forms and discuss my options. Yep, did that. My lawyer's opinion at this point is that giving up on this appeal and reapplying immediately may be a good choice--he thinks that I'm more likely to get a quick decision that way, as well as more likely to get a favorable decision, because it's harder to get a judge's ruling overturned at this stage than it is to get a brand-new favorable decision now that I have some idea of how the process works. The BIG disadvantage to filing a new application would be that I would have no chance of getting back payments, though as the lawyer said, getting any money at all as soon as possible may be more important than going through a long wait to maybe get the additional couple years' worth of payments.

My decision today: Go through all the old medical records I have here but did not submit because the lawyer didn't think I'd need to, get them to the lawyer, and find out if he thinks there's something in there that could significantly boost my chances of winning the appeal.

You know, I probably made a mistake when I said earlier today that I'd be happy if I managed to do both of my two things. But "happy" is what I said, so here's what I say now: I'll pretend that this rictus is a smile and you can pretend that you're fooled by the act. Deal?


Thing Two: Go grocery shopping. Went to the Safeway near my lawyer's office and I must say that their produce department is much nicer than the produce department at my local store. I saw Santa Claus! Well, I saw a bunch of Santa Claus melons on sale. Anyway, wore myself out carrying fresh fruit to the Metro station, but it should be worth it.

Doing those two things means I'm too tired to sit up much longer, so I'll go collapse in bed now. (I do so wish that judge could travel with me in this body for a day or two.) Now tell me how cheerful I look.