Really Random

One time when I loaded my LJ friends page yesterday, I saw posts by three different people using icons made by me! Much graphics geeky glee resulted. It's fun for me to sit around making little pictures, but it's terrific to know that other people enjoy them too. Need to make more icons for myself, though, hopefully while restraining the urge to make more animations or abstract pictures since I have enough of those already.

Still need to get through the bureaucracy so I can get food stamps, cash benefits, and medicaid back. Grr. Am too sleepy and headachy to do this, but I'll feel even worse if I don't try. I'm especially concerned about the medical stuff, since I do have tests scheduled for early December. Speaking of which, when I made that post about being in de Nile, I thought I had an inkling of what I was in denial of--yet I've come to realize after making appointments for these tests that I'd been in huge denial of how worried I am about new symptoms, even though the new symptoms are relatively minor. Not at the point of blind panic about it, but I am definitely experiencing a bit of surplus anxiety here.

You know what Christmasy thought affects me most profoundly this year? The image of the almighty God, creator and sustainer of the whole universe, voluntarily placing himself in complete dependence on imperfect humans. Later in his life, he could make the same kinds of decisions the rest of us do, and make them better than we do. But as an infant? Most of us struggle to maintain the illusion of control over things we may not even have much influence over (I've personally done this a lot lately); how many of us would be willing to give up genuine control if we had it?

No idea what I'm doing for Thanksgiving this year. I've called a brother a few times recently but never got any calls in return (and yes, I'm still having problems dealing with telephones), so I'm not sure if I should try again or just give up and make plans to do something else. Actually, even if I do get hold of family, I'm not sure it's wise to see them while I'm still this depressed and anxious, seeing as these people are generally not good for my mental health. Decisions, decisions.

Library books due today. More library books due at the end of the week which I probably won't get read before then. Of course it's easy enough to renew them, but I hate not having the ability to concentrate well enough to read them before they're due back.

So.

Today I've begun to deal with one thing I thought I was in de Nile about and another thing I hadn't realized was anywhere near an Egyptian river. I'm now mildly freaking out, thanks. On the plus side, I managed both to make and to receive phone calls today, so yay me.

In other news, still haven't gotten the benefits stuff straightened out and my caseworker's voice mail doesn't seem capable of recording messages longer than approximately seventeen seconds.