(no subject)

After housemate interviews Saturday and Sunday, long hours spent talking to people I'll likely never see again, I felt even more profoundly antisocial than I had been recently and so took a break. Stay in my room or go to the library, but catch nobody's eye, read and don't speak, don't try to deal with folks until I can catch breath. Close up like a flower, some night-blooming thing hit by the unforgiving rays of the sun, and I know I was planning to go somewhere with this simile but I'm too hot to follow my own mental trails now, all I know is I identify with the small, white, easily-ignored blossoms who don't want to attract your attention but who have some half-recognized scent that lingers in your memory all the same.

Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about either. Gah.

Anyway, my time spent in semi-seclusion helped me yesterday, when I met with yet another person who's supposed to help disabled people find jobs. I have no idea what the meeting accomplished, but I felt like it went well all the same. Though the man was even more fidgety than I am (thus giving me a headache when I tried to maintain some semblance of eye contact), I managed to behave like a rational human being, barely crying at all. Erm, yeah, anyway.

After the meeting and because the school was nearby, I went to help out with the usual filing & such they always need help with around there. No, honestly, I went to enjoy the air-conditioning and was willing to put up with people for the sake of some coolth. I even agreed to go in today and tomorrow to help someone out with a database or something. Silly me, I really should have my head examined one of these days. I think I can tolerate people today. I hope. I've been wondering lately whether I've actually been becoming more of an antisocial bitch than I used to be, or simply returning to my natural state after spending some years being more sociable and friendly than I used to be. Maybe it's just that I'm stressed out and sleep-deprived, and maybe getting a job (if that ever happens in this lifetime) will help immensely... as long as it's not a job answering phones or dealing with people all day long.

(no subject)

Have just been attacked by a sudden monster headache, which attack was immediately followed by an intense feeling of hopelessness (the whole "I'm gonna staaaaaaarve!" thing again, which doesn't seem all that unrealistic at the moment but of course it wouldn't seem unrealistic when I'm in this mood, would it?). I hate when that happens.

I blame the mood on the headache, since I'd actually had a better day than expected. Not that it was a good day, exactly, but it wasn't horrible until a few minutes ago.

Will go cry myself to sleep now. Have a good night, everybody.