(no subject)

According to Jamie Kellner, chairman and CEO of Turner Broadcasting, every time you skip over a commercial or take too many bathroom breaks during commercial time, you are stealing the programming, you thief.

In other news, three members of a Florida family received microchip implants on Friday, as you can read about here and here and here and various other places. So far, these chips are essentially high-tech versions of MedicAlert bracelets, containing information which hospital technicians can scan in an emergency in order to provide the best care.

One day, however, you know that these chips will be able to send information about your location and medical status to some central database. And on that day, if you are detected leaving the room during commercial breaks without a valid medical excuse as determined by a panel of experts, you will be fined accordingly. Additionally, your monthly bill for certain premium cable channels may be raised if your hormone levels are regularly found to exceed expected levels during late-night programming hours. Please plan your budget accordingly.