I hate my life

I had a job interview scheduled for this afternoon. Note the "had." Canceled thanks to the combination of medication side effects and endless coughing, which have kept me from getting a decent amount of sleep, which makes it near-impossible for me to hold a conversation without bursting into tears, which prompted the school's placement director to cancel the interview since she doesn't want anyone so clearly unprepared for rational behavior to be associated with the school in any employer's mind.

I am so sick of being sick you wouldn't believe it. I need a job soon but how can I get through an interview like this? I wish I could stop taking the antibiotic, but I still need it for the swelling on my leg; and even if I stopped that drug, I've still got the coughing that won't go away and won't let me sleep.

I am so tired.

Additionally, I accidentally spoiled a friend for a Buffy episode she hadn't seen yet. I was absolutely certain she saw every episode the night it aired--it was the other person I mailed who I worried hadn't seen it, since she's got law school classes. But no, it was the person I never expected to miss it who somehow missed it, and now I've spoiled it for her. I'd repent in dust and ashes except I can't walk far enough this morning to get a decent amount of ashes. So now after I've spent the entire season avoiding being spoiled for future episodes, I've gone and spoiled somebody else. I hate this.

I hate my life with a fiery passion. Could somebody please send me a new one now?

Gah.

If I've whined in my comments in your journals today, please ignore me. I'll try to keep my whining to my own journal from this moment on.

Feel free to ignore me.

The stupid thing is that I keep mixing up in my mind both trivial and non-trivial problems that are upsetting me and I'm having some difficulty determining which is which. I'm fairly certain that the fact that my lip is bleeding is trivial (though swallowing the blood is not helping my nausea any) and that the things keeping me from getting a job are non-trivial. Yet I'm having nearly as much angst over the color of my hair (too much premature grey for my tastes, thank you) as I am over the fact that that job interview was called off.

In better news, there are plans for someone to buy me some decent shoes tomorrow. I loathe shoe shopping, but I do need dress shoes if I want to work at someplace less casual than the place I was scheduled to visit today. I only hope that we'll be able to find shoes to fit my long, skinny, flat feet. Even the podiatrist I used to go to had to comment every time he saw me that I must have problems finding shoes I can walk in, and you'd think he'd have been used to seeing odd feet.

Yuck. I'm hungry. I'm nauseated. My blood does not taste good. I wonder if I'll be able to keep anything else down...