!%^$#&^*)!!@! Quizzes

It finally hit me today: I'm officially sick of those cute little online quizzes with all the multiple-choice questions that somehow fail to include any choices I would ever make. Why can't I finish one of these quizzes without having to answer questions as if I were somebody else entirely? Is it some sort of law nobody bothered to tell me about? Hypothetical-Me has completed more of those things than I ever could and I tell you I'm sick of that wench. Why should I care which member of the Osbournes she is when I've never even watched the show? If some stupid test says she's X% gay, what relevance does it have to my life? And as for mythological creatures, I'm neither the phoenix nor the dragon she's been labeled as: I am the Hummingwolf, and it isn't my fault that Homer and the rest of the poets didn't bother to write about me. (Pervy Ovid was jealous of my relationship with Hermes, but that's an old rivalry I won't go into now.)

Bah. If I take another multiple-choice test within the next 30 days, somebody please shoot me.