Stop Making Sense

[hummingwolf]

Rationality? Goodbye. Logic? Pffft. Sanity? What have you done for me lately? Leave me alone, the whole lot of you. Here I've been patiently being reasonable and logical all this time and where has it gotten me? Sitting miserably at home dehydrating myself because logic tells me things will keep getting worse and I can't stop crying.

Silly hummingwolf, stop trying to figure out whether what you're able to do can possibly make things any better and just do it anyway. You'll be much happier.

~~~~~

Interestingly, I've learned that the state people have approved me for benefits (pending my sending of a few forms). Interesting, because the folks up in Baltimore who made that determination are the same ones who sent Social Security the information upon which they based their denial of benefits.

~~~~~

Oh, don't expect me to be irrational all the time from now on. I'll endeavor to be insane more often, but the knowledge that you're the only person in the room who's making any sense at all is like a drug. It's insidious, really.

Comments

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Yeah. What you said.

My journal is missing a lot of what's going on in my mind right now because I don't have a good way to say it and i doubt people want to know anyway, and it isn't the sort of thing i record for myself for posterity... but... it's close to some of the stuff you've been saying.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I don't worry too much about whether people want to know what's going through my mind. Sure, I might hesitate to put up the really whiny stuff, but I'm using this as a journal at this point--my own personal journal for my own purposes, simply 'cos I need a place to vent.

As for your journal--I'd probably be interested in whatever's going on in your mind, but then I'm weird anyway. :-)

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

I wasn't questioning your decision to put all this stuff in your journal. I'm glad you do, in fact. It's like getting to read some of the stuff I would say if only I could. I don't know what's really keeping me from saying what I haven't been saying. I could make excuses until my head falls off. I'm good at that. Who knows, maybe the fact that you're not doing the same silly dance around these things will encourage me to stop too. At the very least, I could turn more of it into Saga metaphor... but my primary target would be Zephyr and I don't have the heart to torment him even more.

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I wasn't questioning your decision to put all this stuff in your journal.

I didn't think you were, really. I was just pointing out that what I write isn't based on what I think people will want to read. Honestly, after a year on LJ, I still have no idea *why* I'm writing anyway.

And I still don't know what I'm going to do anyway. Maybe I'll do a different silly dance rather than the same old one? We'll see.

[whitelinefever.livejournal.com]

Am I being rash in my feeling the benefits could be good news?

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

It'd be good if I could get the benefits, but I can't get them unless I get these stupid forms I've been angsting over filled out. Still don't know how to accomplish that one.

logic tells me things will keep getting worse

[traceyb.livejournal.com]

no no no no...cross that line out. Things could get worse yes. If you keep moving, keep filling out the forms, find some new forms, find some new help, talk with friends, whine a lot...things may not get better but they certainly will not by way of logic get worse. Keep moving. Things will get worse if you give up. And that wouldn't be logical at all!

Hang in there

Tracey

Re: logic tells me things will keep getting worse

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I am at one of those crisis points where things cannot stay the same--they will get better, or they will get worse. There is no way that I can see that my financial situation will get better if I keep behaving reasonably. IF there is a miracle, then things will improve. Otherwise, logic says things will get worse. This is why I have been so damnably depressed lately. I'm too logical.

Re: logic tells me things will keep getting worse

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the fact that my health problems are getting worse isn't helping either...

I don't want to live a reasonable life anymore. It's too painful.

Benefit forms

[unwilly.livejournal.com]

C'mon HW, see if some of your RL friends can help you with the forms.

Or just do them a couple of lines at a time between web surfing and migraines.

Then take a walk, have some soup, and do a couple more.

Just keep moving.

Unwilly

Re: Benefit forms

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

UN, I filled out all the forms I can. The forms that need to be filled out now are the ones that need to be signed by somebody who can afford to pay $200 a month for my rent that will most likely never ever be reimbursed. I don't know anybody who can afford that.