hummingwolf

Not long ago there were reports of a study whose results indicated that people who frequently use the words "I," "me," and "my" are less happy than those who use these words less frequently. It seems that people who aren't thinking of themselves all the time are more cheerful than those who speak more in the first person.

In my case, many of the times I use the first-person terms, I use them to show that I realize that what's true for me isn't necessarily true for anyone else. Sure, here in the journal I talk about myself more than other people--this is my journal, after all. But in regular conversation, it looks to me that a lot of my self-references are indications that I understand that other people aren't always like me. Of course, my perceptions here could be off and I really am terribly self-absorbed.

In any event, now I'm wondering: Are people who don't speak much in the first person happier because they're less interested in themselves than they are in the amazing world around them, or are they happier because they have the luxury of assuming that everybody else is just like them?

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I've always assumed it was the latter..

oh.. my.
that was an "I" statement.

goodness.
do you think i am self-absorbed?
(was that an "I" or a "you" statement?"

hmm...

heh.. does it count if you refer to yourself in first person in lower case all the time?
i don't think it does.
but then, i could just be too absorbed to notice..

*grin*

(seriously, i believe that most -with a few excpetions- happy people out there, the cheerfully happy ones, are just that because they are comfortable assuming they fit right in. i used to want that - alot. now, i am going for a higher level of difficulty in the happiness department - i want to be truely comfortable knowing that i completely different, and content to know that only one out of ten will ever understand what i am saying, and not all of those will care. heh)

Hmm. That might be true for me too. I used to be unhappy because I thought I was a freak, but then I discovered that just about everyone else is a freak too. Being completely different is no longer an excuse, because most people are also completely different. So I stopped seeing myself in terms of other people.

:oD

When I was little, I desperately wanted to fit in with some group somewhere. When I got older, I realized I wasn't going to fit in perfectly anywhere, but I still wanted to come to some point where I was at least in basic agreement with the people around me about the major things. Am trying to adjust myself to the fact that I'll probably never feel genuinely at home in any group, but I haven't quite gotten to that point of acceptance yet.

Neither have I.

hmmm, maybe some of both. my mom was a good conversationalist and loved to listen to other people, without undue use of the I. but she was also untroubled by any concerns about whether she herself was perfectly wonderful. i wish i had inherited more of that disposition -- i'm terrible about talking too much about me. :/

But some of us think you are perfectly wonderful and like to hear you talk about you. :-)

thank you, cb, that's very welcome tonight. *hugs*

Maybe they're just better at recognizing the inherent happiness they have, because they're good at thinking objectively. I'd be interested in seeing how the conclusion of "happier" was reached.

I'm like you in my speech habits... I've gotten myself in a lot of trouble talking in generalisms, so I try not to anymore. That's why I say that I think like a nondualist and talk like an Otherkin, and therefore nobody ever understands what I'm saying. :)

I'd like to see the published study myself. Unless memory fails me, I'm pretty sure that what they found was a correlation rather than causation, so my post set up a false dichotomy anyway. After all, there's no reason to believe that using first-person terms causes sadness when it's entirely possible that (seeing that it's more socially acceptable in most groups to complain than it is to brag about how good your life is) sad people just have more opportunity to talk about their lives than happy people do.

Sometimes I think I understand what you're saying, but I'm probably wrong. :-)

I dunno... most of what i say is just a bunch of truisms. If you can find truisms, then you're not wrong... even if they're not the truisms I intended.

As a friend of mine's motto says, "find your own truth."

Not entirely unrelated: I ran across some of Dom's writings while searching for something else today. There are similarities in your writing styles, but of course there would be some influence between two people who are, erm, so much closer than most people ever get. ;-) It's easy to see why you still miss him.

I can't see that it would make any difference whatsoever whether you use "I", "you" or just use "it" in happiness. There is a difference in distance though.
If someone never uses "I think" or "I like" I tend to feel that they want to separate themselves from what they're saying.

That's not really what you talked about though... *grins*

Sometimes though I think that referring to something as "mine" is a way of creating or at least indicating a kind of distance. I've noticed with friends who are getting along well with their spouses, siblings, children, etc., that they usually refer to the people in question by name; but if there's some tension in the relationship, they often avoid the name entirely in favor of saying "my sister," "my husband," "my son." (This doesn't apply to newsgroup conversations or discussions with strangers at the mall where people are often reluctant to use real names, just conversations among people who know each other well.) Maybe that's just a reflection of the people I hang out with, though.

That's possible. I'll have to ponder that more.

I think I use the language to distance myself from the person I'm talking to, or rather to acknowledge the distance I feel. It feels like I'm getting to personal about my life sometimes if I'm using names, especially if I feel that the person doesn't have an active enough interest in my life to remember the names I use.

Other people may be trying to use the possessive to identify their life with other people, either to show how connected they are or to talk about lives they live vicariously. Possibly.

I haven't heard those reports but I've very often wondered the same thing and had the same conflicts. I feel (hey just look at these sentences I'm writing now) that my writing is made boring by their overuse. Just seeing the word 'I' popping up all over the place in my own writing bothers me sometimes. Writing them in lowercase is often a petty relief. Or just leaving them out entirely.

Oh, I get heartily sick of seeing "I" in my writing too. Am often leaving it out of sentences, but it's still implied when using the first-person verbs. Have occasionally confused (sometimes even offended) people when leaving "I" out of the sentence made it look like a command rather than a statement about me, though. Must be careful about that. Heh.

Are telling me to be more careful about that???? How dare you!

*grin*

Y'know, you have one the coolest interest lists.

Well, I like my interests list. But I'm expected to. ;-)

It's the only point of view I am comforatble in expressing.When one gets to the we and they I couldn't really say for certain what is going on.
It may be my large ego speaking though.

Heh. I'm pretty good at seeing from other points of view, I'm just not at all sure that the points of view I'm seeing from are points shared by any other being who has ever existed. There seem to be similarities from time to time, but that could be an illusion.

Hmm.

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possessive case and distance

i only have 'i's for you

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