hummingwolf | (no subject)

Had a good (brief) phone conversation with one of my sisters-in-law (the one person in my close family who actually tries to help me find jobs rather than complain that I don't have one yet). It seems to have finally gotten through to somebody that maybe I'm not lazy, not faking all my problems, not trying to be a parasite. She seemed terribly disappointed that I'd taken my brothers at their word when they said they'd provide no more financial help ("We don't want you to starve!") but unfortunately she didn't really provide any ideas on how to better communicate to them what's going on with me. There've been arguments, apparently, amongst the four on what to do about me. The s-i-l is planning to send me a little money to buy food & medication so I can build my strength up again (not much money though--apparently she doesn't want to anger my brother with this).

"Since we never see you, we have no way of knowing what you're really going through. We figured you were just being lazy, you know, and we thought maybe a little tough love would give you the motivation to do something."

"I was already doing everything I could. Now I can do less." For the moment, that fact seems to have sunk in.

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She sounds like she really wants to help and that's a good thing. I do think she has a point though, about not seeing you very often and therefore not *knowing* how you're doing. When people don't have the facts, they fill in the blanks and those answers are *never* flattering. Maybe you could help them out by sending out an e-mail to them every week, outlining what you've done (within reason, of course) and maybe you could send them copies of doctors' reports and anything else you've received proving that you *are* sick and have been looking for a job. I don't know, but maybe there's a way to truly convince them...invite them to join you at the clinics or job development offices. If I'm out of line, feel free to tell me :)

~K

You're not out of line at all... but I've done all that in the past. It didn't help--even doctors reports were dismissed by my brothers who couldn't bring themselves to believe that I had a real disease. I give them details, they ignore the details, then they make up their stories to fill in the newly-created blanks.

I really do appreciate that she's trying to help, and that all of them do love me. It's just that... well, these are guys who've driven me to and from surgeries and still prefer to believe there's never anything wrong with me. I get highly frustrated.

It was a good conversation, though. "Don't ask me what's going through your brother's mind--I'm only married to him, I don't know anything!" Heh.

C - I am just so sad and angry that you have to go through explaining that each time to them and that they can't seem to get it. You are an independent spirit, and far from lazy and I wish they knew half the you that we know here. Damn it all to hell.

Thank you!

I second what Anois said.

Thank you too!