hummingwolf | (no subject)

So there's this friend I've been trying to encourage to be bold, to go after his dreams, to take the risks necessary to get what he truly wants out of life. And finally it sinks in (I can be awfully slow sometimes) that his greatest dream is to never have to take risks again, to play it safe even if it means effacing his personality, rubbing out his Self entirely for the sake of being... what? Nothing. For the sake of a kind of peace only available to the dead.

I have no words to express how much this disturbs me.

In other news, we got water back a little before 1 p.m., which is a good thing 'cos otherwise I'd have been dodging paint cans at a departing housemate's new house just to get a shower. Yes, I really was that desperate to get clean--and then I went & spoiled it after my shower by getting sweaty all over again carrying water from the fire hydrant they were flushing to the trees in our yard. Hey, no sense wasting perfectly good (albeit slightly rusty) water during a drought, right?

Oh, and a book recommendation for anyone with any disability that's not apparent to the naked eye--diabetes, fibromyalgia, depression, whatever--Living Well With a Hidden Disability: Transcending Doubt and Shame and Reclaiming Your Life by Stacy Taylor & Robert Epstein. Just finished reading that one. Now working on one that's not illness-related, Transforming Fire: Women Using Anger Creatively by Kathleen Fischer. Yeah, I'm going for the light reading this month.

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I don't mean to be a pseudo-sage lecturer, but... sometimes one person can't tell another what his path is. In fact, some people's paths don't even look like paths. For all the wisdom and rhetoric out there about the necessity of taking risks, sometimes what a person needs most is something entirely different.

I'm also speaking a little bit from personal experience. I've been seeking peace and quiet for as long as I can remember, because it's so damn elusive. I know what I need to achieve, and it will find me no matter what choices i make... maybe your friend is in a similar situation. In any case, it's only for him to say.

Have a little faith in the ability of things in general to eventually be okay. :)

I had a feeling you'd weigh in on this post. :-) I think there's a difference though between the peace you seek and the peace my friend dreams of. In your case, it seems to me that the peace you're trying to find is a consummation of being what you are, what you've been; while in his case, it seems that he's trying to avoid what he is, trying to escape what he has been and could be.

Of course, obviously, I could be reading things wrong. It happens pretty frequently. He's the only one who can truly know what he's supposed to be doing. And it's true that I can't try to live someone else's life for them--which is a very good thing, since I have enough trouble with my own! But I still have a very strong feeling that whatever path is his is the one he's trying hardest to avoid, and that's what most disturbs me.

Yeah, maybe things in general will eventually be okay... but I want him in particular to be okay now... patience really isn't my strong suit.