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hummingwolf ([personal profile] hummingwolf) wrote2002-08-01 01:11 pm
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Anger is terribly seductive, particularly the varieties of righteous indignation. Some people react to anger the way they do to falling in love. They think of nothing but the object of their affect. They savor every nuance of their emotion like a grand feast of delectable morsels. They nurture their feelings like a spring garden, sparing no effort and little expense in making it grow lushly, luxuriantly.

Other people are afraid of their anger. They repress it, deny that they ever felt it, pretend to have nothing but happy fluffy bunny feelings for the whole world around them. Sometimes they admit to sadness over the misery in the world, but never anger.

I am not afraid to admit my anger. At the moment, I'm afraid of how unafraid I am of my anger. I have been seething with rage at any number of things. Some of the anger is perfectly justified, of course; perhaps most of it is. But I have never wanted to be one of those people who nurture their anger 'til it grows into hatred, and I have been in danger of becoming one this week. This descent into mad fury must stop. I have far better things to do with this energy.

God help me, I don't think I can last another night without sleep. I pray that I can do something productive tomorrow.

[identity profile] daisydumont.livejournal.com 2002-08-01 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
it seems to me you've really nailed it, the way different people handle anger. it scares me, so i have trouble being real when provoked. sure sorry you're not resting well, m'dear. hope you sleep better tonight!
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[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2002-08-04 08:34 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe it's good to be a little scared by anger--when angry, you've got the energy and motivation to do something you might well regret later. But I don't think it's good to be so scared of it that you don't acknowledge it, because it's generally a sign that something needs to change, y'know? Maybe it's you that needs to change, maybe it's another person or institution. I think the real problem with anger is that it makes you want to do something, but unless you've trained yourself well before you get angry, you might well be impelled do something you really, really will regret later..

[identity profile] daisydumont.livejournal.com 2002-08-04 08:59 am (UTC)(link)
oh, i do think you're right about everything here. repressing it so it goes underground is deadly to the soul, but expressing it without discipline can be deadly to those around us. it's the trickiest emotion, i think. thanks for making me think about it in constructive ways.

[identity profile] whitelinefever.livejournal.com 2002-08-01 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
It didn't scare me, but it scared the ones in my life to the point of being very afraid.I had to learn to work on letting it go before I carried it into situations with others.I think one of the side results of that is an overall attitude of not being 'too' much of anything;too mad or too sad, or too happy.I guess it was worth the not spending time in jail if I had continued.
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[identity profile] hummingwolf.livejournal.com 2002-08-04 08:31 am (UTC)(link)
Anger isn't bad--it creates an energy to be used. Unfortunately, in the heat of anger it's hard to use that energy wisely. You're right, it's probably better to feel less of it than it is to go to jail... still, I'd rather not give up any of my emotions if I can find a way to work with them rather than be dominated by them.