Again, I don't think it's totally unacceptable to ask for a very tiny clarification in a post in order to save a lot of other people anxieities or harsh feelings. And I didn't demand it or even say something like "if you don't do this, I'll stop reading your posts" or any other silly thing. All I did was offer a few suggestions on how to defuse possible future situations, and then add that if she wants to keep posting in that mannter - more people will be upset again in the future.
I also don't think there is anything wrong with using, for example, a trigger warning in situations where someone is talking graphically about something violent or otherwise tramatic. If I'm discussing something about an abusive situation in my past, I recognize that it might further traumatize some of my friends with similar backgrounds. So putting it behind a cut so that they can chose for themselves whether or not to read that post is just giving them some respect as people with needs like anyone else.
but it isn't fair to ask them to worry about everyone else's feelings, when those feelings are not healthy ones to start with, in their own journal. I guess we disagree about this, then. I do think it's a responibility of mine to worry about other people's feeling and to say and do things that won't hurt people if it's possible to avoid doing so.
In the interest of being constructive and helpful, perhaps it might have been a healthier and happier approach to read this post and ask yourself if there was *more* you could do to combat the insecurities, and if the defensiveness you felt over this might not be another manifestation of those insecurities. That would be very wise if I had become inoridnatley upset about the post. I wasn't. It was a fairly normal healthy common thing, imo, to stop and say "oh crap, some of those might apply to me and these typs of indirect vauge posts really bother me and I'm going to tell her so." I fail to see what's so insecure and defensive about that.
Because I just can't think that having to ask someone to post things with disclaimers is a healthy way to face the world, nor do I think it fair to ask them to just *accept* that they have to catch flak for what they post in their own journal. It isn't their Issue, they shouldn't have to deal with it at all. Yep, we really disagee on this one. I don't think there is anything unhealthy about saying "it bothers me when people post open-ended comments like that without clarifying who they're talking about, could you clarify next time?" It's a pretty simple request and could save a lot of people a lot of unneccasry anxiety and confusion and hurt.
And LJ is more than just a journal, it's a community of people reading and commenting on eachother's entires. Anything you write publicly in this place lands you in the position of people saying "hey, I don't agree with that" or "hey, that hurt my feelings." And those people have every right to say those things. Both in LJ, and off the internet.
It isn't their Issue, they shouldn't have to deal with it at all. If I say something that upsets someone, you bet it's now become OUR issue. Especially if that person is a friend or they have a valid point or I realized that yea, I shouldn't have said that.
Since we seem to be arguing from totally different viewpoints of how people ought to treat one another, then maybe this dicussion should just be over now and we can agree to disagree. But I'd welcome more discussion if you want to keep going.
no subject
I also don't think there is anything wrong with using, for example, a trigger warning in situations where someone is talking graphically about something violent or otherwise tramatic. If I'm discussing something about an abusive situation in my past, I recognize that it might further traumatize some of my friends with similar backgrounds. So putting it behind a cut so that they can chose for themselves whether or not to read that post is just giving them some respect as people with needs like anyone else.
but it isn't fair to ask them to worry about everyone else's feelings, when those feelings are not healthy ones to start with, in their own journal.
I guess we disagree about this, then. I do think it's a responibility of mine to worry about other people's feeling and to say and do things that won't hurt people if it's possible to avoid doing so.
In the interest of being constructive and helpful, perhaps it might have been a healthier and happier approach to read this post and ask yourself if there was *more* you could do to combat the insecurities, and if the defensiveness you felt over this might not be another manifestation of those insecurities.
That would be very wise if I had become inoridnatley upset about the post. I wasn't. It was a fairly normal healthy common thing, imo, to stop and say "oh crap, some of those might apply to me and these typs of indirect vauge posts really bother me and I'm going to tell her so." I fail to see what's so insecure and defensive about that.
Because I just can't think that having to ask someone to post things with disclaimers is a healthy way to face the world, nor do I think it fair to ask them to just *accept* that they have to catch flak for what they post in their own journal. It isn't their Issue, they shouldn't have to deal with it at all.
Yep, we really disagee on this one.
I don't think there is anything unhealthy about saying "it bothers me when people post open-ended comments like that without clarifying who they're talking about, could you clarify next time?"
It's a pretty simple request and could save a lot of people a lot of unneccasry anxiety and confusion and hurt.
And LJ is more than just a journal, it's a community of people reading and commenting on eachother's entires. Anything you write publicly in this place lands you in the position of people saying "hey, I don't agree with that" or "hey, that hurt my feelings." And those people have every right to say those things. Both in LJ, and off the internet.
It isn't their Issue, they shouldn't have to deal with it at all.
If I say something that upsets someone, you bet it's now become OUR issue. Especially if that person is a friend or they have a valid point or I realized that yea, I shouldn't have said that.
Since we seem to be arguing from totally different viewpoints of how people ought to treat one another, then maybe this dicussion should just be over now and we can agree to disagree. But I'd welcome more discussion if you want to keep going.