My own lessons were hard won through experience, as well.
I have actually always had the idea that we are all responsible for how we feel, and that we have a choice... I just had trouble applying the theory to myself in certain areas, because I fell into what I believe to be one of the most dangerous traps there is...
Thinking I was different.
I had neurological issues. I was going through things other people wouldn't understand. I had bad experiences. Blah blah blah.
One day it occured to me that I was making myself into more of a Victim than anything else had ever done. Here I was rolling with some pretty big f'n traumas in life with no problem, and then caving to stuff in my own head because I thought I was somehow broken in some special way that meant I had less of a choice then anyone else.
I realized that all I was doing was dodging responsiblity, and this was something I *hated* in other situations. Sure, responsibility can seem scary, but I have actually found that since I said "What I feel and what happens in my life is up to me and no one else," I have felt more empowered than ever before. It's an incredibly liberating thing.
and in that crucible you really learn to recognize just what is yours and what is truly external--and then how much of the external you can just shrug off.
Re: Advice from a stranger
I have actually always had the idea that we are all responsible for how we feel, and that we have a choice... I just had trouble applying the theory to myself in certain areas, because I fell into what I believe to be one of the most dangerous traps there is...
Thinking I was different.
I had neurological issues. I was going through things other people wouldn't understand. I had bad experiences. Blah blah blah.
One day it occured to me that I was making myself into more of a Victim than anything else had ever done. Here I was rolling with some pretty big f'n traumas in life with no problem, and then caving to stuff in my own head because I thought I was somehow broken in some special way that meant I had less of a choice then anyone else.
I realized that all I was doing was dodging responsiblity, and this was something I *hated* in other situations. Sure, responsibility can seem scary, but I have actually found that since I said "What I feel and what happens in my life is up to me and no one else," I have felt more empowered than ever before. It's an incredibly liberating thing.
and in that crucible you really learn to recognize just what is yours and what is truly external--and then how much of the external you can just shrug off.
That sums it up nicely.