Thank you. Advice hard won, with experience.

See,I used to read into things as being all about me, and I used to think that my way of dealing with everything was unique to me (maybe) and must be respected (no, not if it's harmful). I used to believe that my emotions were a tide that I must feel and experience and be buffeted by like an unruly sea.

It turns out that the best advice I ever received was from an ex-friend (for other abuses--she had her own issues). It was, simply, that you are responsible for how you feel. Period. I thought this was a lie, but I was only lying to myself. In truth, that attitude is merely an excuse that shelters you from self reflection and change. Because suddenly, if it is your issue, then it is up for you to find out why you are living with these fears/problems. You must become proactive rather than reactive.

And it is a frightening process, but it is a growth and strengthening process, and in that crucible you really learn to recognize just what is yours and what is truly external--and then how much of the external you can just shrug off.

People do this when they are ready, but I figured I'd pass on the advice.