Oh right, I have a LiveJournal of my very own!

[hummingwolf]

You mean there's a use for this account besides having a convenient way to read other people's journals? Who'da thunk it?

Erm, right. I had planned to update after my brain began behaving itself and I could write decent sentences without undue effort, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Anyway, my second-to-last entry here was a grumble about my body misbehaving itself last Wednesday when I really had better things to do. So I didn't do what I'd planned to do that morning--have you been waiting with bated breath to find out whether I got anything accomplished that afternoon? No? Well, I'll tell you anyway, 'cos this is a journal and, um, I could be journaling in it.

Short answer: Yes, I did finally get out of the house on Wednesday, spending hours upon hours doing stuff. Went to see the psychologist, in which appointment we came to a mutual agreement that I'd be better off seeking help from someone who knows something about dealing with chronic illness and related issues, rather than expending time and energy to talk to someone who's basically clueless. Hearing "I don't know how you cope with all this!" doesn't actually help me to cope with all this. You know what I really don't get here? Not the fact that one individual therapist doesn't know how to deal with long-term illnesses or disability: nobody can specialize in everything, after all. What I don't understand is why an entire group of psychologists and psychiatrists which collectively take rather a lot of Medicaid patients has nobody with a clue about helping people with chronic physical illness deal with the psychological ramifications of the illnesses. Are all their other Medicaid patients people with depression or PTSD or schizophrenia or marital problems with no complicating physical problems at all? I find that nearly impossible to believe, and I wonder what kind of care other chronically ill patients might be getting. I suppose it's nice to be assured by physically "normal" professionals that they think I'm doing a good job, really, but it'd be nice to get actual help dealing with life, y'know? So I guess it's time to attempt to find a support group that's not too incredibly far away. Have heard of a fibro or CFS group in Northern Virginia, but need something closer to home if even remotely possible. I do need someone's assistance, preferably practical tips and advice. (Ooh, a quick Google search finds me a listing. Will find out later if it's up-to-date enough to be helpful.)

Since I was out anyway, and that last therapy appointment was pointless enough to make the whole day seem a waste of time if I did nothing else, I decided it was a good day to take another bus ride out to socialize. Hooray for friendly, interesting people! Fun conversation, bad puns, interludes involving cats seeing into alternate dimensions (or something). Had to leave earlier than I wanted to, though later than I should have. (I even got a CD out of the deal, a nice burned copy of Bel Canto's White-Out Conditions, which I'd previously had only on LP. Ooh, there's even a CD-only bonus track! Whee!)

So there were bureaucrapic things to deal with which had to be dealt with early in the morning, and finally I did manage to get to the department of social services early enough. Or did I? As it turned out, when someone said that it was best to simply walk in early one morning, they were spreading a bit of misinformation. There were supposed to be appointments scheduled before anything could be done. Typical bureaucratic behavior, isn't it?

Fortunately, some kind person there took pity on those of us who'd been given the wrong information (no, it wasn't just me!), and we managed to speak with the folks we needed to speak with. Still need to get more paperwork filled out (as always), but at least the part requiring my early-morning presence is over with (for now). The rest of Thursday was spent relaxing and rejoicing in the fact that that little thing wasn't hanging over my head any longer.

Friday and the weekend were mostly spent resting, filling myself with the maximum allowable level of ibuprofen, attempting to read more than 2 pages at a time and sometimes nearly succeeding.

Did manage to do a few useful things in communities. For instance, in comments over on dark_christian, I helpfully pointed out that the orange bushfish, tailspot bushfish, and even the leopard bushfish are more photogenic than this misbegotten BushFish. And on house_md, I let people know that the reason they couldn't get into a new chat room was that their anti-spyware programs were blocking the domain as it's considered a known server for the eeevil CoolWebSearch malware, and then I let them know how to unblock the domain if they were willing to take the risk in order to discuss Hugh Laurie's beautiful blue eyes with other obsessives.

Other than that, not much to say about the weekend. Did some grocery shopping, walked around a little, got too little sleep with odd fragmented dreams, tried not to panic about life in general, reorganized a few things while disorganizing others, played with fractals.

Here endeth the update.

Comments

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I think that you might consider seeing a different kind of professional. I know you have dealt with social workers for this and that unrelated to your personal coping, but perhaps a licensed clinical social worker would be helpful to give the more practical assistance you're seeking. I have every respect for psychologists and psychiatrists as therapists, but sometimes I think that a pragmatic kind of "how do I, practically, live" is more important than "how am I inside?". As an alternative, I wonder if an occupational therapist might assist, particularly one who is used to dealing with disabled folks. If the "powers that be" find that you are just shy of being fully disabled, then it will be a matter of working with someone to see how you can fit into the "not quite disabled" box in which they wish to put you.

In your metropolitan area, there are at least dozens of people who
will have credentials and experience and wisdom in seeing folks with conditions similar to yours. I think that this is a job for google, and for finding the national organizations for the conditions with which you deal, as such organizations will have leads to help you find those professionals.

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

That's good thinking on the occupational therapist - assuming they're any good, last one my mum saw when she was struggling to keep working through her back problem (she's now retired & housebound thanks to the same condition) was concerned that she was able to carry on running a busy office by standing, kneeling, and lying on a purpose-bought couch as he felt she should be able to sit, and the fact she couldn't *sit*, even though she was doing well with all the alternatives she'd worked out, made her unfit to continue, in his eyes.
("how can you sit next to someone to help them fill out a form?"
"I don't, I kneel next to them."
"But you can't *sit* down!"
"No, that's why I *kneel..." Moron. )

um, which isn't to put hummingwolf off, just to point out that idiots abound in every field, but I still think its a good angle to go from, wish I'd thought of it!

[jennixen.livejournal.com]

Sorry I haven't been in touch. *hugs*
How are you doing now? Are you getting money?

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the suggestions! I have a feeling that looking for a LCSW will involve less Googling than research into what my flavor of Medicaid will or will not cover. Sounds like something I should bring up with my GP when I see her this week.

Maybe there have been too many cutbacks since then, but when I was using state programs to try to get part-time work, occupational therapists were available to help. At least there was some assessment by an OT a few years ago, which... come to think of it, if I could get the records from that, it might well help with my disability claims now, or at least be a starting point.

Thanks again!

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Heh. Why is it that the helping professions feature so many very unhelpful people, anyway?

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

No money. At least I'm still getting food & medical care (for now) and am not homeless yet, so things could be worse. (They could be much better, too!)

::hugs back::

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

No clue, but it doesn't half put you off when you're already feeling vulnerable and then have to talk to a complete asshole...