hummingwolf | Insomniac self-pity

I don't know if the pain is actually in my lungs or if it's pain in the muscles around the rib cage. The smart money would probably bet on both. What's important is that it hurts to breathe, which tends to make it difficult to sleep. Though the pain alone might not be quite enough to keep me awake, pain plus a big load of self-pity is a sure recipe for insomnia.

There's a part of me that wants to go to the ER right now, but there's really no point. All they would do for me would be to make sure that yes, I really do have bronchitis, and then they'd tell me to go to my regular doctor as soon as possible. Which thing I cannot do, since I have no money and no Medicaid--and, with the thoughts swirling around in my brain tonight, I am becoming more and more sure that I will never get money or health care or food again. Yes, self-pity morphing into irrational desperate rage always leads to good times.

Acute bronchitis is supposed to last a week, and mine has been going on for nearly 2.5 months. Without money or medical assistance, there is nothing I can do about it. Joy.

Irrational, desperate, sleep-deprived rage. I look forward to the hallucinations. The hallucinations should make this worthwhile.

I wish I had fresh fruit. I wish I could sleep. I wish I could breathe without pain. I wish someone would kill me quickly.

Strangely, if I had made a journal entry a few hours ago, it would have been relatively cheerful. But I didn't want to inflict my sleep-depped babblings on you then. Hah.

I'm really very tired of this mode of existence now.

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*huggles lots*

It is horrible that you can't get Medicaid...and of course, money too. :(

So um... have you tried being more forceful and obstinate at the ER?? Like telling them that you have no money or insurance.... maybe even telling them that you refuse to leave until they treat you? i mean, acute bronchitis for 2.5 months is very serious. i don't think you can just mess around with that, ya know?

Could you... strap some dynamite to your chest???

Okay, maybe not that. But these people should not turn you away without real treatment!

Have you tried a different ER? i'm grasping at straws here...

I think 2.5 months entitles you to self-pity, sweetie. You're not experiencing just a couple of sniffles and then spending 6 hours whining; you have some serious health issues and have done for some time, and you rarely talk about it all in detail.

::hugs you::

Reread my comment and felt very patronising. Not intended, fwiw! Sorry. I'm not meaning to criticise you because you don't talk about your problems/whine often enough. It's your life & your journal & you can do what you like; I don't have an opinion on it apart from obviously *caring* about you, and hoping you realise you're not whining.

Um.

::hugs::

::hugs:: some more

::huggles back::

I'm so, so tired.

The two times I've been to the ER (2 separate hospitals) lately, I was as forceful and obstinate as I could manage to be. No go. Maybe if I'd had someone a bit more alert with me it would've helped, but all the advice I got from the doctors was that I needed to go see my regular physician & an ophthalmologist. Which I can't do without money or medical benefits.

I wish I knew what to do.

Heh. I didn't think you were being patronizing at all. Thanks, Meg.

::hugs back::

::more and more hugs::

**hugs**

Yuck, how horrible. :(
*hugs and warm comforting soup*

That's good. Love you lady.

Thanks, Buddy.
::hugs back::

Thank you!
Hugs and soup are good food. :-)
::hug::

Insomniac self-pity

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