hummingwolf | Bits. Pieces. Stuff.

Was quiet most of the week because four friends I've known since high school got feisty and decided to have a conversation online that ended up covering all those topics you're not supposed to talk about in polite conversation. With about 500 e-mails from them earlier this week, I wasn't really up to saying much elsewhere.

Evil nasty migraines the last couple of days. I am not pleased. I am also not doing very well at being coherent, but I'm workin' on it.

~~~~~

I was thinking today, before I settled down for an afternoon nap, that my dreams recently have been painfully boring, much too much like my real life only more so: answering e-mails but not fun e-mails like the ones I've been getting from my friends; going grocery shopping but not enjoying the walk to the grocery store (looking at the trees and irises, inhaling the scents of mud and frying potatoes, hearing birds and little kids playing, feeling warm sunshine or cool rain on my skin) as I really would; that sort of thing. It's depressing when even your dreams are dull.

Then in the hypnagogic state I saw people being killed in a variety of interesting and bloody ways, and I thought, "Well, at least this is different." The dream itself revolved around a sort of role-playing game--in between turns, you were in a room by yourself and typed into a computer your choices for where you wanted to be in the next round; during the actual turn, you were in a holodeck interacting with other characters and real people, with most of the action being part of a futuristic war scenario. I thought one of the characters was played by

hai_kah_uhk. Most of the dream had me fighting in different parts of a city or spaceship, though at the end I was in somebody's bedroom trying to comfort him after a loss (this last bit was still PG-rated, by the way).

In the hypnopompic state after the dream, I tried to recall the words "hypnagogic" and "hypnopompic," but my brain refused to comply and gave me "geomorphic" and "zootropic" instead. Zootropic? If "heliotropic" is the word used for plants moving to face the sun, a "zootrope" would be something that moves toward animals, wouldn't it?

~~~~~

While reading a collection of C.S. Lewis' letters, the words "a dungeon is never harder to bear than when the door is open and the sunshine and bird song float in" struck me as a decent description of why my suicidal thoughts returned last month while amongst lovely people in the mountains. I'm better nowadays, though. Maybe it's because there's been less sunshine.

~~~~~

The hummingwolf is lonely and wants snuggles. The hummingwolf isn't going to get any snuggles any time soon, but she wants them anyway.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

hypnopompic! that's a $5 word for sure. [running off to some dictionary.com]

hypnagogic=between wakefulness and sleep
hypnopompic=between sleep and full awakening

I love words.

Eliot said "April is the cruelest month ..." etc
with just that in mind but would hold for May too I guess...
dont be afraid...zoo tropic I would translate
turning towards life (zoe or zoo etc...)
or remember the Psalm word
they asked life of thee and thou gavest it
them which is true...it is all God has to give
I guess...
+Seraphim.

Hey, I dreamt about you, too. I just recalled that. Nifty.

I'd give you snuggles next weekend... if you were close to philadelphia... are you close to philadelphia?

I believe your definition is superior to the one I had. Thank you for sharing! I need to find a way to be more zootropic now.

It depends on how you define "close," but if your definition has any relationship to the ability to get to a place, then the only major city I'm close to is Washington, DC.

"a dungeon is never harder to bear than when the door is open and the sunshine and bird song float in"

wow,that could sum up my life if i allowed myself to be totally cynical. i feel like i know how life could be so much better but i don't know how to make it so for myself or anyone else!

well,just for the record,i'm actually in a pretty good mood at the moment. it just reminded me of when i am not. a good way to describe it. or like how it is more lonely in the midst of a crowd that ignores you than it is to just be off alone somewhere in solitude.

i want more snuggles too. at least i get hugs from my sisters once in a while!

and i'm not yet giving up on having a better life...i'm hoping the astrological portents are true...after two years of hell for some geminis,things are supposed to get better after june 3. oh,boy,i hope so!

meanwhile,i am grateful for a beautiful sunny breezy day where i'm peacefully relaxing at home in front of an open window. ah.

I'm glad you were in a pretty good mood when you wrote this! Astrology never seems to work for me (the predictive type, at least), but here's hoping that things do turn around for you soon.

There's some sunshine here today for a change; I think I'll try to find a way to enjoy it.

(or is it "hear, hear"?)
Doesn't it seem fundamentally wrong that snuggles aren't something any human being can get any time they need them?

It seems to me that just because we can physically survive without them does not mean that they aren't a need.

Your dream reminds me of the book Homeward Bounders by Diana Wynne Jones. Great book, read it. :)

*gives snuggles from Sweden*

I've got to get to the library today anyway, maybe I can pick that book up there!

::hugs back::

Hear here! Heh. I heartily agree with you and I still want snuggles. Doesn't sound like the lack of snuggling has been a big problem for you this week, though. ;-)

True, the snuggles have not been in short supply lately. *silly grin*

*wishing you many many snuggles*

Bits. Pieces. Stuff.

no subject

no subject

april <b> and May

no subject

Re: april <b> and May

no subject

no subject

no subject

Here, here!

no subject

no subject

Re: Here, here!

chances are