hummingwolf: (My world is askew!)
From Patrick Nielsen Hayden:
The Motion Picture Association of America, chief sponsor and financier of SOPA and PIPA, addresses Wikipedia, Reddit, and other major sites going dark tomorrow, accusing them of “abuse of power.” “It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.” In related news, the mutilated body of Irony was found washed up against a pier in the East River. She was pronounced dead at the scene."
hummingwolf: Drawing of a creature that is part-wolf, part-hummingbird. (Hummingwolf by Dandelion)
Do you know why you are here?
Here, sign this form and write today's date.
I won't tell you the date, that is part of my test.
You just gave the wrong answer.

So, tell me about your childhood.
How did you feel when your mother died?
When did your hair turn grey?
Have you ever colored it? Why or why not?
Why no makeup? Don't you use it?
What did you study in college? How long did you go?
What jobs have you had? Ah. And relationships? Oh.
Before you got sick, you'd read about your disease, yes? How many symptoms had you heard of before you got them? Oh? You got sick though you never heard of it before?
Are you sure?
Hmm. Maybe--
I'll give you three words: Door, green, Chicago.
Remember them and say them back to me.
What drugs do you take? Do you drink? Do you smoke? Do you love? Do you hurt? Do you eat enough?
Are you in pain now? How much? On a scale of one to ten--
Sit on that chair, maybe it will hurt you less.
What do you watch on TV? Do you ever watch the news?
Do you know who's our president?
Who's secretary of state?
Who was our last president? And the one before that?
Do you ever think about killing yourself?
And how serious were these thoughts? What did you do?
Are you a danger to yourself now? How can you be sure?
Do you get along with people? Do you talk to them often? Do you think they talk about you?
Did you ever get tested for--
or for--
or--
What were the words I gave you? Door, green, Chicago, good.
I think I've seen enough.

I think you tend to minimize your depression.
You're in more pain than you say you are.
Yes, you're sick and need some more tests--
But you could still be much happier, I think.
This drug might help, and this or this--if you find a way to get them.
I don't make the decisions, but I make a recommendation.
I hope they decide in your favor.

(no subject)

Friday, May 2nd, 2003 01:00 pm
hummingwolf: Drawing of a creature that is part-wolf, part-hummingbird. (Hummingwolf by Dandelion)
So I decided sometime a while back that rationality wasn't getting me anywhere and I should behave like a crazy person to see if that helped any. What happened instead? I began to have irrational thoughts but, aside from a few quirks like refusing to answer the telephone, my behavior has still been altogether too sensible. This is not the direction I wanted to go in! Sheesh, I'm supposed to be acting oddly and eccentrically and unpredictably, while instead I continue to be very careful not to make any major mistakes. Yes, many of the things I have wanted to do surely would have been big mistakes. So what? If I'm honestly having trouble thinking of a mental state that would be more unpleasant than the one I've been in for much of the last few months, continuing to be "sensible" makes no sense at all.

Unfortunately, old habits die hard.
hummingwolf: squiggly symbol floating over rippling water (Default)
I am not a mind-reader. I do not know what you are thinking if you won't tell me. On those occasions when it seems that I do know what's going through your brain, chances are that's because I've been paying attention. I do that sometimes.

Because I am not a mind-reader, I often ask questions. I do this, not in some indirect attempt to accuse you of something, but in a direct attempt to learn answers.

Whatever it is that enables most social interactions in our culture to flow smoothly as if everyone were thinking the same thing, I do not have it. I do not share your assumptions. I share few of your pop-cultural referents. Quote from C.S. Lewis or an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I will understand you; quote from the latest hit movie and I will probably figure that what you just said came from your own fevered brain (and I will act accordingly).

Again, I am not a mind-reader. Not knowing what else to do, I tend to take people at their word unless they have shown that their word cannot be trusted. If you say something under the assumption that I will know you don't really mean it because everybody knows it's just the polite thing to say, please do not become angry when I act as if you meant it anyway. I am not trying to be difficult, honest! I'm just not a mind-reader. And I rather get the impression that the beings around me aren't mind-readers either, else they would know this stuff already.

Stop Making Sense

Thursday, January 30th, 2003 06:44 pm
hummingwolf: squiggly symbol floating over rippling water (Default)
Rationality? Goodbye. Logic? Pffft. Sanity? What have you done for me lately? Leave me alone, the whole lot of you. Here I've been patiently being reasonable and logical all this time and where has it gotten me? Sitting miserably at home dehydrating myself because logic tells me things will keep getting worse and I can't stop crying.

Silly hummingwolf, stop trying to figure out whether what you're able to do can possibly make things any better and just do it anyway. You'll be much happier.

~~~~~

Interestingly, I've learned that the state people have approved me for benefits (pending my sending of a few forms). Interesting, because the folks up in Baltimore who made that determination are the same ones who sent Social Security the information upon which they based their denial of benefits.

~~~~~

Oh, don't expect me to be irrational all the time from now on. I'll endeavor to be insane more often, but the knowledge that you're the only person in the room who's making any sense at all is like a drug. It's insidious, really.

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hummingwolf: squiggly symbol floating over rippling water (Default)
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